It was Saturday morning. I had just woke up and the first thing on my mind was my job. I couldn’t even enjoy my weekend, because I was dreading going into my job and punching in at 7:45 in two days. I had been bothered for a few weeks which you know if read my previous blog post, but I didn’t expect to make an irrational decision… again.

If you are just tuning in you are unaware that I quit my full time job last year to pursue a career in journalism, which is what I went to school for and am passionate about. However, instead of finding a writing opportunity like I planned to, I lost focus and went into a deep depression after receiving constant rejection emails. I started drinking more, charging up my credit cards and got to a point where I felt like I NEEDED a full time job again. I felt like there was no other way to succeed than to get another job.  So what did I do? I started looking for “office jobs” and stopped looking for copy editor and writer positions.

As Sunday quickly went by, I started to get more and more annoyed with the thought of work.  The thought of getting chastised and dealing with attitude just seemed less and less appealing. I got home from my mom and dad’s at around 8 PM, poured a glass of wine and started to contemplate my entire life. I started to think of how many ideas I have and how I can actually put things into motion if I had more time. IF I had more time I could figure out how to monetize from my website and I could seek sponsorship for my web series.

IF I had more time I could create, IF I had more time I could plan my own schedule, make more moves, work toward being happy.

I won’t say I’m depressed again, because I am in a much better place than I was last year. However, I am still nowhere near where I want to be as far as happiness and fulfilling my purpose.

It was 9:30 PM when one of my mentors called me. She asked me how I was doing. I paused and responded, “I’m okay” and she immediately responded, “You don’t sound okay” and I lost it. I had never cried to her before so it felt a little awkward and embarrassing at first, but she lifted me up and convinced me that I have to prioritize my happiness and mental health over a check. After my phone call with her, I hopped on Instagram and happened to see this post:

It was all the affirmation I needed.

I stayed up until 2 AM on my laptop and saw all kind of virtual and freelance opportunities. I called one more person who is also a journalist and he reassured me that even though he is 31 and successful, he was struggling at my age as well.  He told me about his post college journey and advised me to stay at this job until I find a new one, because I don’t want to dig myself a hole again. I listened to him, thanked him for the advice and continued to think.

I thought about the last time I was thinking this irrationally. It was six months ago. I struggled, because I had no plan, no platform and hadn’t done any research. It was my first time struggling and I didn’t know how to overcome it besides going back to what I knew best… working a 9 to 5. As I set my alarm for 6:15 AM, like I did four days a week, I started to think “Yeaaaah I’m not going back there.” Regardless of me knowing how much of a setback me quitting my job would be, the thought of not going in made me feel amazing. I started to make a pros and cons list in my head:

PROS OF QUITTING:

• More time to focus on my writing
• I can create my own schedule
• No more stress headaches
• More time to recruit more clients for my media services
• More time to figure out ways to monetize from my website
• More time to focus on developing my web series
• More energy for my clients
• I’ll be happier!!!!

CONS OF QUITTING

• I’ll have to hustle to make money
• No stability
• No benefits

 

Once I saw how much the pros outweighed the cons, my mind was made up. I went to sleep and told myself that at 6 AM I would see how I felt then make my decision. I woke up and let the time pass… 6 AM… 6:14 AM… 6:34 AM. As I looked over at my scrubs in the closet I officially decided I wasn’t going and never wanted to wear thin ass scrubs again. I started to type my email. “Hi _____. I am emailing you to let you know that I have decided to resign. Please let me know when my last check is ready. Regards, Michaela.”  Straight to the point. I thought of giving a two weeks notice, but yeah no. If I don’t want to go back another day why should I? That may sound a tad unprofessional, but once I realized my worth I can’t unsee it. They don’t deserve another second of my time.

I hesitated to send the email, but finally at 7 AM I did it. I felt so relieved, but so worried at the same damn time. A part of me felt like I should of stayed a little longer, but I have no regrets. Now I can focus on entrepreneurship and making my dreams come true.

Is it going to be easy? Hell no. But I WILL be okay and I WILL figure it out.

Some may think I am ignorant for doing this all over again. Quitting a stable job is not an easy decision, but this time around I feel a lot more confident in my craft and my ability to succeed. I have a lot of support and in just six months I have expanded my network and gained more mentors who are entrepreneurs. It takes a village and now that I have a dedicated squad and a vision there is no way I can fail.  One of my biggest flaws is that I am impatient. I want to snap my fingers and be successful, so I think the biggest thing I need to focus on is enjoying the journey and accepting that even when I fail I have to keep going and not just go back to the less challenging route which is working for someone building their dream.

Now let me just say that I don’t encourage anyone to be this irrational! I don’t have enough money saved, I don’t have a step by step plan and this could of definitely been more thought out. HOWEVER, don’t overthink it either. Regardless of how “prepared” you think you are for entrepreneurship, there will be setbacks and you will never be 100% ready. Just know that and plan/ move accordingly. Know that even though the struggle will be real you will ALWAYS be okay. And if you do panic like I did and want to get another job, you can. Companies will always be hiring, that will never change. But of course I suggest you push through and don’t look back 😉

Thank you so much for reading. Comments and positive vibes are welcome!