One day I was on Instagram having my normal group conversation with two of my male friends. This group chat usually consisted of funny memes, videos and of course them sharing a bunch of pictures of Instagram models with their asses out and obsessing over phat cats. Let me just say it can be extremely annoying and frustrating always opening your DM to a bunch of pictures and videos of bitches every single day, which is why for the most part I stopped responding and they eventually would go into their own chat.

On this particular day we got into talking about looks. Kinda going back and forth about which celebrities were fine as hell and which ones weren’t. During all of this my friend goes fuck personality, I just need the looks. Then I made it a point to say it’s not always the looks that make a woman “bad” but her personality. To my surprise, well actually not so much, he responded with she can be as dumb as a cardboard box, followed by laughing and then shoulder shrug emojis. As much as I wanted to laugh and tell myself he was just joking there was a piece of me that knew he was completely serious. A lot of guys just want to fuck and can care less about how outgoing, smart and funny a woman is.

It got me thinking do guys pick women for their looks and not their personality? I would hope not, but then again there are guys out there that are completely shallow and care nothing about getting to know a woman for who she truly is inside. It’s like as soon as they see a light skinned, thick woman with a baby face, they’re ready to lose it all without even knowing who she truly is. Then after dealing with her after awhile they wonder why she’s crazy or has no drive. It’s like look dude, you went for the body and not her mind so what did you expect.

I wish men could just be hypnotized into seeing a woman’s inner beauty like in the movie Shallow Hal instead of solely focusing on how good a woman looks. And please don’t get me wrong, in my days I’ve been completely shallow, telling myself a guy needs to look a certain way for me to deal with him but as I began to mature I cared a little less about the physical appearance and started to focus more on how they treated me, could they make me laugh and could they hold a conversation, even if it ended up being about nothing.

So yeah,  I’ve had my fair share of men that weren’t so attractive but they had other things going for them, that kept me intrigued and my eyes off of other people, But I’ve also put a few into the friendzone, which happens to me a lot. I always found myself dealing with guys I completely vibed with but would end up in that homie zone and I always felt like it was because of my looks. I say this because I’ve been told by so many guys that I’m wife material or that I’m this super dope person, yet I get passed up and they go lusting after the girl with 50k followers, a banging ass body and seductive pics on her page.

I truly believe that men and women think different when it comes to that aspect of dating, well some, not all. It’s like if you don’t fit into their idea of how a woman should look, you immediately get passed up due to minor flaws, like not having the biggest ass or the long silky hair they think every woman should have. Even when it comes to dating I get extremely discouraged and will turn down a guy if I’ve ever noticed him drooling over women who have a body that compares nothing to the love handles, stretch marks and belly that I have. Oh, and I’m definitely going to pass up the guy I see body shaming women all the time. It makes me feel a way and if I see you bashing a woman with similar body features as mine I’m going to assume you are judging the way I look as well. It’s really a hard pass.

Maybe it’s the fact that guys aren’t in that stage of wanting to move forward in a serious direction with a woman, so instead of spending time getting to know who a woman is and fucking her over, they fixate their eyes on the ones constantly showing of what they got, thinking that’s an easy target. Once men want to take that step to settling down that’s when I believe they go, “that woman right there, she fine as hell, her personality shines, she’s got a lot going for her, we vibe on a level more than the physical. I need her.”

Do you all believe that at some point in life you or someone you know picked looks over personality?

When do you decide to go further than looks and dig deep into who someone is?

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