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In relationships where trust may be a factor; either directly compromised from your spouse or maybe even past fears hinder us. They get in the way of saying the things we need or want from a person because we may feel as though we are asking for too much. Maybe we feel like they won’t want to hold our hands or cuddle with us as much as we want with them to. Or maybe you’re just having a bad day and feel your man may not understand.

black-couple-having-conversationI When I was younger, I would never fix my mouth to tell the person I was with that I needed more affection, more time, or just to vent so that I could get back to feeling 100%. I noticed not speaking up I didn’t get the things I wanted out of my relationships.  I never got enough affection or intimacy that didn’t involve sex and it made me not even care to continue the situations I was in. In my world I was giving so much of myself and not getting nearly enough in return. Now whose fault was it really? Mine or his? It was solely my fault because I never spoke up for myself. I would pick fights for attention or ignore him to get the little bit of affection I wanted. Yes, satisfying for the moment but never enough to make me feel as if I was secure or even that I was desired in the relationship.

Now, I know some of you are still telling yourselves “I’m still not telling him anything he just needs to KNOW!” Truth is, he doesn’t need to. Your partner will do what they feel is needed to make you happy because they assume all women want the same things.  It’s our job to sit with our partners and tell them how we would like things to be but also not be selfish and make sure we are asking the same things. At the beginning of my current relationship we struggled because I was stuck in my old ways and I never really said what I needed, until he told me if you need something say it “just talk to me.” From that moment on I made it a point to say I’m having a bad day and I need you to just be on my side, or I need reassurance because I’m not feeling like myself or even just telling him that I need to talk to him as my best friend.

Learning to understand the things we need and openly asking for them is what needs to start happening. We need to say what we mean and mean what we say. (As the cliche goes.) We can’t go around complaining to our friends or even our significant others if we aren’t willing to put our pride aside and be honest with ourselves. So next time he asks what’s wrong, or what you need, or how do we make things work; BE HONEST ! I can guarantee you will be happier you did.

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