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I remember it like it was yesterday but instead it was over 10 years ago when I seen this guy’s face all over MySpace. Don’t judge but he was the friend of the guy I used to talk to. That meme about not cuffing a dude until you see his friend, in this case, was way too true. Good thing I didn’t cuff but still there’s always someone finer LOL JK but seriously.

The way women look at him now is the way I looked at him back then, before he was Mr.Popular , with 15k followers, spending all his time in Hollywood and his money on the finer things. I thought he was the finest short light skin man walking this Earth. Before all the tattoos and when he was rocking rosaries instead of diamonds, I was gushing over him, melting like ice on a hot summer day.

I can’t even tell you how we officially crossed paths but I can tell you the day I finally got to look him in the face. It was almost 11-years-ago on top of Keller across from Skyline Pizza in Oakland, CA. He came to see me at my uncle’s house in his all black mustang, I believe that’s what he was driving, and his white T-shirt and blue jeans. I can remember getting in the front seat and noticing the rosaries hanging from his rearview mirror. He didn’t wear them just because everyone else was, but I won’t get into that story. Anyways we talked, ended the night with a kiss and made plans to see each other again the next day. I’m not sure if that’s when my crush turned to like but then the day came and seeing him again never happened. I was pissed and I made sure he knew it but even after that we continued to keep in touch. We lost touch for the few years I was in college. He had a few kids but even through those times (including the public Twitter drama I had with his baby mama) we stayed friends and I remained, “baby”( not sure how many other girls get called that.)

Some months ago after not seeing him physically since that night, I saw him again at a day party. We were in the same section, mingling with the same people but because we were in a big crowd I didn’t want to say too much or seem like I was overly excited to see his face. We said hi, shared a hug and went back to our own worlds. Inside I was like, OMG OMG OMG ITS HIM LOL. So childish right?

Over Christmas break he asked me why I wasn’t with him and I finally just had to keep it real, it’s because you don’t ask to see me, he said it’s because I don’t want to see him but that’s far from the truth and I wasn’t going to get into this back and forth conversation of not wanting to see each other. Truth is he’s always on the move, we’re never on the same page and with me being a mother I just think it’s so irresponsible of me to run off to be under someone. I can’t lie though, he has asked me to come see him a few times but like I said we were just never on the same page. I can’t just be one of those girls that hops up and runs to a man when he says come.

I told him that this is the year, the year I’m going to make some time but he has to be willing to do the same. I’m saying, after 10 years of constantly talking about seeing each other and keeping in contact, why not go for it? Why not see if this thing is just a crush or if it can evolve to be something more? At least if we don’t mesh, I can finally get rid of those butterflies, stop having those dreams and constantly wondering could things even be. Like come on, I’m almost 30, am I even allowed to have a crush this long?

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