Being a mother, I have experienced my fair share of issues. Me and my older children’s father were young and still children ourselves when we had our kids. So many fights, disagreements on parenting styles and then the family. LORD the family feuds back and forth. Until one day I gave up! I told myself I could not control the things he does as a father and that I would have to trust that he would respect me in my face and behind my back when it came to the things I required for my children as a mother.
Often women become bitter and want to keep the child away or be involved in things that they shouldn’t be. I’m sorry ladies we don’t have say so in who the fathers of our children date. We can only hope that they make the best decisions for the family dynamic that has been set between you two. With that being said; it’s up to us to be mature enough to meet their spouse and welcome her and then from then on make the decision for yourself if she’s right for YOU and how to handle her. It’s a common misconception that we have a right to say who they are with after us and we don’t. Its up to mothers and fathers to sit down and have civil conversations and set healthy boundaries for both parties that are going to eliminate stress and conflict between one another. Ensuring that the boundaries do not interfere with raising the children. This is not to say that the father can have any and everyone around their child. Especially if the woman is disrespectful, made no attempt to meet the child’s mother out of RESPECT and doesn’t know her boundaries as a potential step parent. And that is the fathers’ responsibility.
Fathers need to make a consciences decision to RESPECT the mothers of their children. Yes, I know that some women can be very difficult to deal with but not always. Take into consideration that she may still be grieving the loss of the relationship. Sad that her family did not work out as planned or even the fear of possibly having to raise a child alone may cause outbursts. Many people feel that a mother should just “get over it “ and I’m here to tell you NO THE HELL YOU DON’T !
Mothers need to do what’s necessary for them to heal. If that means not speaking directly to the father for a while and having a healthy mediator to talk through temporarily; then do so. If you choose, have a designated meeting point so that you both are active in visits. Even taking turns with purchasing items helps. This misconception that mothers need to get over the things that have hurt them on someone else’s time is incorrect. The misconception that mothers should be the sole provider, do everything alone to take care of a child, and then jump when the father says jump just to stop others from calling her bitter isn’t right! The misconception that a mother has no right to take care of herself as a woman and her emotions isn’t correct and nor is it fair.
How is it expected of a mother (or a single father) to do all these things; on top of dealing with the sometimes-outrageous behavior that some of these parents have? The fact of the matter is they don’t. I tell many people. You are an individual before you are a parent. The reason being is if you and your children’s other parent never had a child together you would take your time and space needed for you to move forward. It doesn’t take away from the child if either party needs time and space to do what helps the child in the long run. What people need to understand is that being a parent isn’t as hard as everyone makes it seem. When communication and the children are the focus things should flow smoothly. What does need to stop happening is disrespect. Learning how to provide for the child 50/50! Meaning the mother doesn’t need to send everything to your house for you to take care of your child. It’s not her responsibility to provide things for her house and your house. And it’s not OK to down play her as a mother because she’s not doing YOUR JOB!
There are so many misconceptions when it comes to parent and what’s right and what is just plain wrong. Be mindful of how you allow other’s opinions affect the way you raise your children and how you deal with the mothers and fathers of your kids. Do your part to ensure that there is a high level of respect between both parties and everything else will fall into place.
Queen Media Collective 