15-tips-for-maintaining-a-long-distance-relationship-when-working-away-from-home

I was COMPLETELY done with men.

Right before Valentine’s Day I got played by a guy who was still involved with his ex. He used me and then denied me when me and her confronted him in person… I felt completely defeated.

It was now April 2017. I was on Instagram and I noticed that a super attractive black man named Patrick randomly followed me. I instantly liked a few of his pictures, he liked some of mine and then I decided to comment some good ole’ heart eyes LOL. It was super thirsty, but I didn’t even care, because he was fine as hell. Soon after I commented on his pic, I received a DM. I was so excited, until I found out this man was from Memphis, Tennessee. Why the hell is this man across the country messaging me and how did he even find me? I was disappointed that he wasn’t local, but I messaged him back anyway.

The conversation was super flirtatious and I was super intrigued. I had never communicated with anyone from the South, so hearing how different things are drew me in. In addition to that, he was telling me how he was going to come visit me in California and how I was going to be his one day. In my head I was thinking whatever n****, but by the time June came, we had gotten close as hell.

I couldn’t talk to Patrick while I was at work, because my job at the time was in a steel building and I had no service. But as soon as I got off work, I would Snapchat, text and eventually call him. Every night we were on the phone for six to seven hours. I had never been able to communicate with someone like that. We talked about everything: politics, sports, college, American history…. you name it. I was falling for a man who lived across the country… WTF. I didn’t think it was going to get that deep, but I started to feel like I was in a relationship. 

I quickly realized that Patrick had anger issues. He would tell me about situations and get all riled up and I always felt like he was overreacting. One particular incident took place where he almost popped a blood vessel, because of comments some stranger was making to him on Instagram. I accepted that he was like this, but I never thought he would be like that towards me… 

Shortly after we met, Patrick ended up getting injured really badly. He messed up his knee and was basically bedridden for the next two months. I felt really sad that we lived so far apart and I couldn’t do anything to help. He became very depressed and very irritable. He would blow up at me and not speak to me for days and I didn’t know how to react. The sweet guy I met was nowhere to be found, but I felt like I had to be there for him through this tough time. 

It was mid June and Patrick was almost healed from his injury. He had been getting into it with his mom who was on his ass about him returning to work. He constantly complained about how he couldn’t work, because of his knee, but that was ironic, because he would go to frat parties with his frat brothers every weekend. I never spoke my mind when Patrick would vent, because he was a ticking time bomb. Our whole relationship was me walking on eggshells, because any opposing comment would piss him off and cause him to go off on me. I knew this was unhealthy, but I just wanted to keep the peace, so I agreed with everything he said. 

One day Patrick was extremely upset with his mom and irrationally decided to move out. He saw on Facebook that his friend needed a roommate, so he decided to move in with him. I thought this was a terrible idea. Patrick had no money and no job. Why would he decide to move out? I usually just supported all the dumb decisions he made, but this time I felt like I needed to speak up. After mustering up the courage, I said “Woah babe you sure this is the right decision?” When I said that he went the fuck off on me. He told me I was a bad girlfriend, he told me I was doubting him, I didn’t believe in him and he said fuck you. I was appalled at how me asking one question caused him to go off like that… but then again I wasn’t. He ignored me for about two weeks and when he did communicate with me it was insulting and disrespectful text messages. What had I gotten myself into? Patrick eventually got over it and we started to communicate like nothing happened. I wanted to discuss the situation, but we never did.

After we made up, Patrick told me he was coming to California to visit me and I was super excited. I couldn’t wait to meet him in person and spend time with him. Even though we were only talking for three months, I felt closer to him than I had ever felt to any man. He said he was coming to visit in July and I eventually realized that wasn’t happening. It was unrealistic- Patrick hadn’t been working due to his injury and he had been surviving off credit cards. I asked him if he was still coming to see me and he snapped at me about how he had no money.  I was so disappointed and sad. He had sold me a dream and now I had nothing to look forward to. We continued to talk and one day he casually called me his girlfriend. I didn’t know we were official and he had never asked me, but hearing that made me feel so good. 

Once September hit, I was impatient and irritable. I was in a long distance relationship and I didn’t know when I was going to see my boyfriend. I thought about it constantly and finally said F this… I’m going to visit him. I had quit my job in May and I had money saved, so I felt like why not go out there before I get a new job and I don’t have time? I wanted to get that first meeting out the way to see if we even had chemistry in person. Although everyone was discouraging me, I bought a plane ticket to see him at the end of September.

I went to go visit him and it was amazing. We had so much fun together and it felt so right. All the arguments we had gotten into before didn’t even matter, because I was finally with the man I believed to be my soulmate. For nine days, I felt like I was in heaven. We laughed, talked and really enjoyed each other’s company. Leaving was so sad… I didn’t want to go back home AT ALL. 

Everything was perfect until the beginning of November when the arguing started back up. He found any excuse to hang up in my face, verbally abuse me and ignore me. In addition, I was super sad. I had been with him for nine days straight and now I was back in California all alone. I told myself I was going to wait til he started working and could afford to come see me, but Southwest was constantly sending me emails about deals and my dumb ass ended up finding a cheap flight to Memphis after Thanksgiving. He ended up splitting the cost for the ticket with me (which we agreed upon), but later complained about how me coming to visit him less than two months later was a stupid idea that he can’t afford so I Cash app’ed him the money back and paid for my ticket myself. We fought like cats and dogs every day leading up to the trip. My best friend Asia told me to cancel the trip, but I didn’t listen.

This trip was shorter than the last one. It was only five days. I was excited to be with Patrick again, but who knew this trip would play out the way it did… 

TO BE CONTINUED.