black-couple-taking-bed-450pk061110I wanted to write an article about body count, because it seems like such a taboo topic. I never understood why people get so uncomfortable when asked about their body count. I know that a lot of people fear judgement, but at the end of the day if that’s the number of people you have slept with, you should own it.

I know there is more discomfort among women, because they don’t want to be perceived as “sluts” or “hoes.” But this is such a double standard to me… why is it okay for men to have numbers in the double digits, but once women do it’s a “red flag” or “turn off?” I was talking to someone close to me a few years ago. She brought one of her friends up and made the statement, “*Cherish needs to slow down. She always needs a man around and it’s so nasty. The number of people she’s had sex with is in the teens.” The look of disgust on her face made me want to shake my head. How you going to judge somebody for living their life how they want to live their life? Sex is therapeutic for many and I don’t feel that anyone should be judged for wanting to partake.

I have many friends who lie about their number when they are asked by guys. I feel like that is so immature. Some may argue that it is “no one’s business” what someone’s body count is, but I beg to differ. If you are dating or in a sexual relationship with someone, I feel like your body count is something you should disclose. Yes the past is the past, but this person is now involved with you and has a right to know the amount of people with whom you’ve had sexual encounters.  Some may not want to offer this information out of fear that a high number will serve as a turn off to the person. If you say your number of sexual partners is 81 and the person you are about to have sexual relations with is uncomfortable by that and decides to refrain, that is their prerogative. 

People are extremely selfish. They don’t want to be transparent or chance missing out on an opportunity. I for one don’t think that’s okay. If someone doesn’t ask you, I don’t necessarily believe you need to bring the subject up or offer that information, but if someone asks, be honest. 

Another thing people like to do is “assume they’re the only one” and act accordingly. You know what they say about assumptions… I have seen many people I know end up with sexually transmitted diseases and infections, because they are naïve enough to believe that assumption without getting clarification. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve been here before and have been lucky to not have contracted anything. However, we need to be smarter and ASK these questions. Closed mouths don’t get fed and if you are transparent with your S/O or sexual partner, a lot of mishaps can be avoided. I mean, of course someone could lie to your face, but I would still ask. That way, your possible fate is not due to your negligence, it is due to their deception. People are so worried to hear an answer they don’t want to hear that they avoid certain questions and topics all together. However, we are adults and need to be able to communicate regardless of the topic.

I hope that everyone can start owning up to their shit! Saying you had sex with seven people when you know it’s 87 or attempting to change the subject when asked should not be the response to this question. Just answer it! Or give a range if you really don’t know LOL. 

This post was inspired by the song Body Count by Jessie Reyez. Jessie sings “You don’t gotta tell me ’bout your body count, I don’t gotta know your ex’s name.” The song is good, but I don’t agree with this! It’s important to know the details of someone’s past. What are your opinions on this? Let me know in the comments!