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When I was younger I got made fun of constantly for being skinny. I was called a giraffe and boys would say things like “look at those mosquito bites” referring to my non existent boobs and “save some for the other trees” when I would drink from the water fountain. Most of my friends developed early so I was the odd one out and easy target for bullying. For years I wished that I had boobs and a big butt. However, I was skinny for what seemed like forever.

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It wasn’t until sophomore year of college when I started to get some curves. My sorority sisters called me big booty Judy as a joke and I was so happy LOL. All these years I had nothing and now I was finally going to be seen as attractive and desired by men. I couldn’t wait to gain more weight! Cause even though I now had a butt, I was still skinny as hell.

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It wasn’t until 2015 when I was finally considered “thick.” I was starting to get so much attention and I really started feelin’ myself. Girls and guys were complimenting me on how I looked and I was eatng it up. I was still dealing with other struggles like not knowing how to draw on my eyebrows, stupid acne and deciding if I wanted to pay hella money for “good hair” instead of the Bobbi Boss bundles, but at least no one could call me stick figure LOL. I felt like a woman.

After I graduated from college I started putting on more and more weight. I guess the older you get your metabolism slows down, because I had my first full time job, I was making more money and I was like oh fasho I’m about to eat whatever the hell I want, because I am a college graduate and I’m making $15 an hour (for some reason I thought this was alot back then LMAO)! I indulged in Panda Express, Round Table and Subway, because I could. Everyone warned me about how much weight you gain when you have a desk job and I ignored them LOL. And then I found out my no good ex cheated on me and I started eating my number one comfort food Panda Express EVERY SINGLE DAY. I was 150 pounds, which was 20 more pounds than I weighed in college. However, I still didn’t care. I was thick and loving it and enjoying my Panda Express.

It is now 2018 and I weigh 165 pounds. This is the first time in my life I’ve had a legit stomach. My natural six pack is gone and to wear my crop tops (which I have many of) I have to pull my pants all the way up so I don’t look fat. I have REALLY been struggling with this weight gain, mostly because I hate working out and I have no discipline. I get into the groove of working out and meal prepping and before you know it I’m back at it again with the two entree from Panda Express or the two piece and mashed potatoes.

Recently I started the Keto diet. I was working out three times a week and I was eating Keto approved meals and snacks and I started to loose weight. My pants were falling off of me and I could see some new stretchmarks. I started to get excited! I was dedicated and serious about this diet and I was starting to quickly see results. Everyone in my life who was doing Keto looked amazing, so I knew that this was the way to go. I was determined to lose 20 pounds and keep it goin’.

Unfortunately I fell off three weeks in. I am so disappointed in myself, because I really was on it and dedicated. At this point I don’t know if I want to pick back up with the Keto diet or just do another form of dieting, but I haven’t been to the gym in three weeks. I am such a dedicated person when it comes to other areas of my life so I really want to get a handle on my body. As much as I want to stay thick and keep my shape, my health is more important. People tell me I have a nice body and one of my friends even went as far as to say that I’m “body goals,” but honestly I have to get my health and body together while I’m young. I can’t keep eating like shit my whole life and expect not to keep gaining weight and maintain perfect health; It isn’t realistic. 

If you plan on trying to loose weight and live a healthier lifestyle, make sure you set realistic goals and come up with a game plan. The most important thing is to find out what works best for you, because everything isn’t going to work for everybody. I can’t give much advice on this, because I am still figuring out my path, but I do want to remind everyone that you MUST love yourself regardless of how much you weigh, don’t weigh or any other physical attributes you have. Love yourself always.