On several occasions I’ve found myself running back to what’s and/or who is familiar to me and it most cases the outcome has always been the same. I’m sitting there regretting making a U-Turn to go back to the place I’ve left for a specific reason, wishing I would have stuck with my first mind and kept it moving. For me it’s always been easy to go back to someone I’ve dealt with in the past because I know what I’m getting, though it may not always be exactly what I want. I know what that person’s likes and dislikes, I know that if I pick up my phone and tell them I miss them or want to see them, they’ll be quick to respond, and I also know that we already have chemistry. Why, try getting to know someone new when I can just hit up one of my old thangs, right? WRONG!
I know that thinking about the good times have a tendency to pull a person back in, making us think that the situation will be different this time around. It’s that same process that keeps you in a relationship/situational cycle for months and sometimes years. I’ve been there, done it and I’m doing all I can to prevent myself from doing it again. Trust, when I say I’m constantly trying to fight the urge to call up one of my ex lovers, just so I can get a dose of some of those good ole memories we shared; to lay up under him again and feel his body pressed against mine. It’s kind of like an addiction that seems impossible to shake but nothing is impossible especially when it comes to your sanity, health and happiness.
I don’t care if you spent over 4 years with this person…if the bad memories outweigh the good I suggest you stop running back to that ex bf/gf or lover of yours and let me tell you why:
1. Things Ended For A Reason
Whether it was a mutual understanding or you simply couldn’t deal with the way you were being treated, there was a reason the relationship didn’t work and that’s okay. Relationships fail; Not everyone is meant to be together.
2. Sex Is Never Too Good To Hold On
Sex has sent me running back to exes far too many times. No matter how amazing the sex is the other part that comes with that person and the relationship just have never been worth it in the end. If you’re scared of adding a new partner, stay celibate until you’re able to find someone that not only gives you extraordinary sex but also treats you like royalty, loves and respects you. No sex is worth being put back through a toxic cycle.
3. Feelings Can Be An Illusion
When we are no longer close to a person we begin to miss them after awhile. Add love into category and it goes to another level. We begin to create scenarios in our heads that are of fairy-tale nature. We start to believe that things can be perfect but once back with that person this is not always the case. You may be happy for a week or so, possibly less than that before you are reminded why the two of you let it go in the first place.
4. Only You Can Make YOU Happy
We have it in our minds that our happiness comes from the people surrounding us. If that’s the case no one would ever be able to be alone. That happiness you think is coming all from one person and what you had with them is just a perception. Say you go back to them and are happy for a short amount of time, what is going to happen when you revert back to the disagreements and lack of understanding one another’s side? You’ll be back to the state of unhappiness that made you leave in the first place. So, what I’m saying is don’t count on someone from your past to bring joy into your life. That is something you need to find within yourself.
5. You Can’t Move Forward If You Don’t Let Go
It’s okay to have memories, we all do, but don’t let those memories be the reason your life is at a standstill. Mistakes get made and people change. The quicker we learn this the easier it is to move forward. Nostalgia is nice to go through but don’t let it be your reality and stop your from starting something healthier and new.
It’s normal for some people to get back together and live happily ever after but how many times have we seen that truly be the case? I’m one of those people who have thought of that possibility and ran back to someone familiar only for it to end in disaster again. Now I’m at the age, where I can stop myself in my tracks and say, gurl is that what you really want or are you just having a moment? And at the end of it all I’m mostly just having a moment; wanting something I once had but only the great parts of it. If I can’t completely accept the person or that situation for what it is there’s no reason for me to go back.
Queen Media Collective 