We hear it all the time, blood is thicker than water, and in some fortunate cases this is true but in others when it comes to family they tend to cut us so deep they bleed us dry instead of keeping us healthy, hydrated, energized and feeling loved. A lot of times, it’s normal to feel tied down by your family members because you share the same DNA and feel as if it would be a betrayal to turn your back on them but sometimes it’s necessary for your mental health. Just because you are related to a person it doesn’t mean they have your best interest at heart no matter how much you try to trick yourself into believing they do.
If simply being around certain family members or having their name pop up on your phone makes you feel triggered or anxious in any kind of way they just might be toxic. But if you are uncertain of the signs let ya girl help you out. I know a thing or two about having members of your family be toxic as hell… unfortunately!
1. Everything Is Everyone Else’s Fault
A common trait of toxic behavior is never taking responsibility for the things they do. Instead they’d rather put the blame on those around them. It becomes a never ending pattern of “mistakes” and not taking responsibility for their actions.
2. The Relationship Is Codependent
This family member tends to not want you to build a relationship with anyone outside of them. They will try to guilt trip you when you want to spend time apart, even if it’s to get some self-care. In a way, they become controlling making you feel like whatever you do has to please that person.
3. Getting Together Is Never Fun
You can’t stand to see this person or invite them to any family event because when they show up it turns into an episode of Jerry Springer or The Shade Room. Every conversation turns into an argument and the gossip seems nonstop. No matter where this person goes or how old they get the drama seems to follow. No one wants to be around that. It’s more than stressful, it’s completely toxic and ruins the whole family functions.
4. Your Feelings Don’t Matter
You ever try to communicate how you feel to someone and they completely dismiss you? Trust me, I’ve been there with a lot of my family members, although they may not have realized I felt dismissed. I will say they’ve gotten better with taking my feelings into consideration these days but If you have a toxic relative they may not care and continue to show you that they aren’t concerned with your feelings. To them it’s your problem to deal with and they will tell you just that.
5. Disagreements Become Violent
This is as toxic as it gets, coming to physical blows. They could simply be having a bad day and they take all their anger out on you. You may say something they don’t like and next thing you know they’re trying to fight. A toxic family member may even make you feel like a completely different person when they come around, which can make you want to resort to getting physical as well. I’ve been there and when I find myself in that state I have to keep away because it could be bad for everyone in the situation.
6. They NEVER Apologize For The Hurtful Things They Do & Say
7. Money May Be Used As A Tool of Manipulation
8. Creating Boundaries For Yourself Leads To Drama With Them
Now there are ways to help a toxic family dynamic such as finding new positive ways to communicate with one another or seeking help from a therapist, especially if the toxic relationship you have is with a parent or sibling. You can also take the route of distancing yourself— communicate less, keep intimate details about your life to yourself, be forgiving but don’t forget and set limits. Or if it’s really bad and you feel like there is no coming back from the toxic behavior, there is a such thing as divorcing your family member. Cut all ties if that means finding your peace.