Black-couple-smiling

Have you ever been scared to lose yourself in someone? I know we all have an image to protect so maybe you won’t admit it out loud but I will. I am honestly scared to lose myself in someone because I know what the outcome can be. The feeling of being left that vulnerable terrifies me. I contemplate to myself, “How do I know if this person is the right one? In terms of love, is it wrong to primarily go by your feelings instead of what looks good on paper? I have been single for 2 years now and it can be very lonely at times. Going out and meeting people gets old after a while. Everyone wants to find their person whether they admit it or not. However, even when you do meet that person reservations can still follow.

If you have ever been in love before you can remember the feeling, and then quickly after you remember pain the situation caused you and you are determined to never let it happen again. It like a huge sign in your head that says “proceed with caution” because you are not naïve to this thing called “Love”. You understand it can make you feel like you are on top of the world and sometimes can make you feel at the bottom, that is why it’s important who you choose to share your love with.

I recently met someone that I feel differently about, and all honesty I do feel like there is a connection between us but I’m scared to commit. My past love life has taught me so much that I know I cannot walk into anything blindly. Intentions must be made clear and words need to be shown in action. I also understand that love is a gamble either way because although we hope for the best we cannot make things turn out great just because we want them to,  that is simply out of our hands. To add to this thought we should not force a situation to work when a lot of the signs, in the beginning, are pointing for them not to. I’m very apprehensive about this recent connection I made because I do not want to lose myself again. When I voice my opinion to my best friend she instantly assures me “ I won’t” but then I ask her “How can she be so sure?” I know a lot of people have encountered similar thoughts.

I know a lot of people can relate to the feeling of being vulnerable because it does not matter how independent you are or how self-confident you are, or how much money you have, when you find that person you do tend to make changes, it is inevitable. From the compromises you make to the time and effort you put into your relationship this is not something we can afford to take lightly.  When you enter a relationship, you put the time in to get to know the other person and vice versa, then before you know it emotions start to come up that you did not see coming.  Once you become exclusive with your person you must maintain and nourish your relationship while keeping your priorities in check, this is not a light task. In my past relationships, I put a lot of time and effort into them and feel like I did not get half of what I put into them and I refuse to move forward like that again.

Looking back on it I think I was looking to fill a void in myself that couldn’t be fulfilled by the opposite sex. Looking to fulfill a void left me in the wrong relationships and ultimately I suffered from my poor decisions. I remember being so invested into my relationships I lost sight of everything else and myself, it was one of the lowest points of my life. I refused to be that young woman again and I will admit “I’m guarded”. Being in love is one of the best feelings in the world and being let down is one of the worst feelings; it’s crazy how love can make you feel two of these opposite extremes. To do the work I have done these past couples of years has been hard and I came too far to go back. However what happens when you get caught off guard and meet someone you truly connect with? Do you let the opportunity go by or do you jump on it? (No pun intended, maybe a little ☺). I’m sure others can relate to what I’m saying when you go through bad relationships, and take time for yourself. It can be very scary to open up to someone again. I have learned from my past and honestly, I think it is important for me to step up to my future and not let the past stop me or my progress. I know this is easier said than done but it is very important. I think we all must come to terms with our past and be open to love but proceed with caution.

 

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