Vulnerability was always something I feared, it represented weakness, it made me afraid of myself. As a young black person I find myself always trying to hide the deepest parts of me, silence all the loud statements that my personality makes. Vulnerability is what I’ve wanted from loved ones, it’s what I wanted for myself and it’s the very reason why I’m stuck in a comfort zone that I’ve been trying to find my way out of as a creative. Allowing myself to shed all the trauma that I’ve experienced and let go of fear of judgment is an ongoing journey of mine. As time goes on I realize that my vulnerability is my strength. My willingness to love, my determination and my hunger to bring people together are things that I’ve been watering down because they are the doorways to my vulnerability. Now that I’m getting comfortable with my complex persona I’m realizing that my vulnerability is also my strength.
Losing close friends, and addressing heartbreak caused by family members have taught me that I can share what’s in my heart without feeling like I’m giving so much of myself away. Giving myself the space to be open with my friends, family, and partners also let’s them know that I’m not afraid to be me unapologetically. For so long I was fighting a feeling that was so debilitating; I was fighting fear and it sucked. Losing every battle, I was creating more obstacles for myself by lying to myself with my comfort. Slowly I’m learning to let people in.