I have always been known to be the backbone of those around me ; Shoot even strangers. Everyone I have ever encountered has always been drawn to me for the person that I am at heart. They want to pour their hearts out to me, tell me how their day is going but most of all tell me what’s NOT going well in their lives. I have always been that person, it’s the only thing I’ve ever known. Until I got older and started to realize that I had more in common with my “not so strong friends” than I realized. I also had bad days, or was unclear about my career path or just sometimes needed a shoulder to cry on .
I just never said anything. I was being drained by my own personal trials and yet the last bit of energy I was giving to others in order for them to see the light at the end of the tunnel. My tunnel was dark, I was walking alone and I couldn’t continue to be everything to everyone. I grew tired. I didn’t want to hear how anyone’s day was going, or what bad news they had to share. I didn’t want to hear who was cheating on who or even the normal workday gossip.
I was battling my own demons. And one day I chose to disappear. I needed time to myself in order to understand that I needed time to get ME right and give some energy back to myself. I needed to cry and not feel ashamed for doing so, I needed to allow myself to be angry about things I otherwise never had the time to do . I truly just wanted to stop carrying the weight of being the “strong ,” mother, sister, daughter and friend. I wanted people to understand that I needed time to heal things in my life and that I was capable of vulnerability without backlash. Overall I needed people to understand that I couldn’t be everyone’s, everything anymore. I wanted to be and feel human and not like superwoman.
I don’t feel as though people realize that the strongest person has feelings also and don’t understand that we to need the time to relax and take care of ourselves also. We shouldn’t have to hide behind our strength all the time. I have lost many friends in the process of me just simply not wanting to be strong for everyone. I am strength; in my actions and in my triumphs over all of the things that have tried to break me I simply just want to be that for myself. There is nothing wrong with that and those around you should know that the responsibility of strength is a task that should be fluctuated among you all because that is what great bonds and friendships are built on.