I know that night time can be hard. As soon as the sun goes down you go back to that place… the place you hate being. You tell yourself that you are going to go to sleep early and that you are finally going to get some rest, but that doesn’t happen… 12AM… 1AM… 2AM… 3AM… it’s getting late and you’re still awake. Not like you’re being productive… you’re just thinking. Thinking about work, love, friendships, money… everything there is to think about. Why can’t you just get a good nights sleep? Doesn’t seem like that’ll ever happen.
First of all, you are beautiful. You have no reason to feel insecure like you do every single day. All that fake hair, that make up, those expensive clothes… all that shit can go… be comfortable with who you are… who God made you to be. Don’t get caught up in looking how society wants you to look to impress these nappy headed ass n***** and these fake ass b******.
I hate how you want to be in love so bad that you still haven’t set standards. You continue to deal with disrespect, neglect and drama from dudes who are clearly beneath you. Stop dealing with being treated any less than you deserve. At the end of the day you are a queen, even if no one reminds you, your crown is shining. You always let men take from you, use you and abuse you. That stops today. You have come so far in the last year and no one should be able to stop you or stunt your growth. You always say there is nowhere to go but up, but you let these niggas set you 10 step backs. Understand that being alone, focusing on yourself is the best thing you can do right now. You are making so many moves that the last thing you need is a distraction… listen to me… we all want love, but it isn’t the time or place. If someone isn’t positively affecting your life , let them go. You always think you can “fix” or “mold” people… please for your own sake accept that it never works.
Another thing I want to tell you is that you need to stop trying to act like you have everything together. Depression, anxiety and chaos are normal things for a 24 year old woman to be dealing with. You are not perfect and people in your life will accept you flaws and all. You have a lot going on right now, but continue to use music and other beautiful things as outlets to relieve stress. Do not resort to drinking and other negative things that are bad for you. Your body is a temple and you need to treat it as such… you haven’t been.
Lastly be happy you have great friends. You have so many real people in your life. Some may try to question the authenticity of the people in your life, but you know that you have a solid circle of people who support you and ride for you. Don’t feel like you can’t communicate with your friends about what’s going on… that is what they are here for.
Your family is amazing. As much as you complain about your family be appreciative that you have a mom, a dad, a sister and a brother all under one roof that help you whenever you need them and whenever you don’t. You try to do everything yourself and you don’t have to. Use your resources and continue to be humble.
In conclusion, I am writing this to tell you to relax. You are worried that you are going to be a failure, that you are not doing enough and that five years are going to go by and you will still be in the same position with no growth or improvements. This is Jasmine trying to get in your head. Jasmine, the name we use to describe the devil who is always bringing you down, will only affect you if you let her. This is your peak and you must continue to grind and rise to the occasion. You can not get discouraged.
In your blogs you frequently post the same Bible verses: “I can do all things through Christ” and “No weapon against me shall prosper.” You post these in order to inspire others, but remember that you need to follow these yourself. Stay true to yourself and know your focus and you’ll be fine. Today will be a long day but I wanted to tell you that you got this. I know that you’re tired, but like Papa tells you, you can sleep when you die.