I have no desire to be Superwoman anymore, and I have no desire to be the friend that has it all together. I don’t want to do it all, and I damn sure don’t want to be anything strong this season. I’m healing, and the only thing I desire is authentically being myself. An eye-opening conversation with my therapist made me realize that I don’t want to save anyone. I want to be okay with giving just enough. I have no desire to overwork myself to prove my worth in any aspect of my life. I just want to be soft in this season. And you’re probably like, wtf do you mean soft?
I want vulnerability and authenticity. I’m good on superficial conversation, interactions, and yes, even people. My energy cannot be invested in anything that won’t help me grow long-term. I’ve come to realize we spend time worrying about stuff that won’t matter in five years. We worry about people, places, and external shit that is changing just like we are. Being vulnerable in this season made me look at my patterns. And let me be the first to tell you—history really does repeat itself. As I see memories pop up, I realize that we repeat what we don’t acknowledge. I have for several years allowed my ego to make decisions that I regret after. She’s ended some great things because of self-sabotage, fear, and pure selfishness. Yet, I’ve come to realize that I’m not that version of myself at my core.
The core of who I am is filled with love and joy, but I’ve allowed my circumstances to mask that. I’m no longer pretending to be invincible or heartless. I want the freedom to fall apart and not be expected to get myself together right away. I just want the privilege of being open without restricting my part due to being misunderstood. I’ve been the Superwoman so long that people forget that I’m still flawed and healing. My cape is off, and this is me saying that I’m spiritually tired some days, healing hurts, and I’m not always sure if I’m doing the right thing. The good thing about all those uncertainties is that I’m learning to discern the ego from the spirit. In this season, I’m okay with not being okay, and I’m also becoming content with giving “my” best and not the best that anyone else requires of me. I am no longer Superwoman, just a woman who understands that being super doesn’t mean being exhausted.