Reflecting: What’s Done is Done

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

One thing that has always bothered me is people who feel the need to put on a facade. That is why I always make it a point to be transparent.

If you’ve been following my journey, you know that when I quit my job last year, I felt that it was the best decision I could ever make. I was choosing to take risks! I was choosing to go after what I wanted! I was choosing happiness over financial stability. A year later, I am paying the price.

After I quit my job, I was doing freelance gigs. I enjoyed the work, but the money I was earning was not nearly enough to support myself. I had many interviews for jobs in my field, but I was constantly getting rejected. I got by Door Dashing and getting help from my dad, but that still wasn’t enough to pay for all my expenses. So what did I do? I opened up two additional credit cards.

After maxing out three of my cards, I started to panic and decided to bite the bullet. I applied for any and every office job I could find and STILL couldn’t get hired. In addition, I was filming my web series so the payments to my crew were drowning me even deeper in debt.  Fortunately, one of my actors connected me to my current full time job. It is a 7 to 4 non stressful desk position that comes with a ton of perks. I have been working here since June and I have no complaints.

Nevertheless, I feel that I have officially hit rock bottom.

After I pay my rent and bills, I barely have anything left over. This led me to desperately enroll in a debt relief program, because I couldn’t afford my minimum payments for my credit cards. Fast forward three months when my best friend informed me that wasn’t a smart decision. I got myself out of the program and now I am deeper in debt, with a terrible credit score and rent that will go up $100+ in 2020.

When I was in college I was terrified of being broke, because of witnessing my parents’ struggling. I was taking 16 units and worked three jobs, because I wanted to make sure I could always take care of myself and my family if need be. Now I am about to be 27 in less than 30 days and I am freaking out about how I am going to afford all my expenses.

Although I never wanted to have to do this again, I have started looking for a second job. Everyone is saying “get a side hustle” but no matter how hard I try I can not make consistent income from a side hustle. I wanted to leave room for my creative endeavors, but I must accept that my creative endeavors are not yet paying the bills. If anything, they are digging me deeper into a hole, so I have to scale back and focus on making money until I am back to being at least somewhat financially stable.

I have no regrets, because in 2019 I really channeled my inner creativity and produced some dope content. But its crazy to think that a year ago, I had a savings account, a great credit score and about $8k less amount of debt. All I can do is be more strategic and realistic going forward, because the damage is done.


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