We’ve all fallen victim to engaging in a situationship. Sometimes you don’t know you’re in one until it’s over. You get to know someone, you make plans, and create inside jokes. Then, one day the feeling isn’t the same. The openness of “getting to know each other” becomes inconvenient. The other people you both consider as dating options become a nuisance. You suddenly realize that you want more or maybe even less of “that” person.
You also realize that you’ve been in this process for months or maybe even years. You’ve created all these memories just to end up as strangers once it’s done. Finally, the reality kicks in that neither of you were ever fully committed to each other. It was just something to do when there was nothing to do. However, the lack of exclusivity doesn’t make situationships easier to get over. Here’s the truth on why they hurt worse than relationship breakups.
- You NEVER truly get the full experience of being in a relationship. You get some of the benefits, but most are deemed “socially unacceptable” without a title. We even seem offended when someone asks for more than what we’re willing to give. It plays on the boundaries that one has for themselves without considering how it affects the other person. You get just enough to keep you staying a little while longer.
- Being blocked from your potential spouse. I never understand the phrase: “Take your hands off me, I’m someone’s wife/husband.” As I got older, I saw the validity of it. We spend time being with someone who has no intentions on being with us. We’re just a placeholder until they find better. We speak life into them, into their dreams, etc only to be broken in the end. We spend time preparing them for someone else. What hurts the most is watching them give someone what you wanted or probably asked for from the start. If you have no intentions of moving forward, please allow people to leave without making them feel guilty when they do. Take your hands off them—that’s someone else’s future.
- Better partners exist and we know it. Yet, we get caught up in the history and the hype of being with someone. We stay because its safe; although, we may desire more. Its the one thing that is guaranteed in our ever changing lives. We avoid better because that means addressing the why of how we allowed ourselves to get into this situation. We have to address why we allowed someone to take up so much of our time, space, and energy. Then, kicks in the resentment of not realizing our worth or their true character.
Situationships are very valid in a world where dating standards are constantly changing. A lack of an official title doesn’t stop feelings from growing. Sometimes our hearts crave intimacy and romance even when it isn’t the best version out there for us. Situationships require the same healing process as any other serious relationship. Although, the circumstances may be different, it doesn’t stop someone from hurting less. So just know it’s normal to cry, be angry, or even need closure.
The only way we know what to accept is when we figure out what to let go—even if it’s just a “complicated situation.”