They say what happens in the dark comes to light and that shit is the God’s honest truth because it just happened to me. Well, correction it came to light for one person but everyone else knew what I was doing. Still the shit is kinda crazy because no lie, I probably would have took it to the grave it wasn’t asked.
Since I’m known to be an open book I’m going to spill the tea for everyone in this here post. Some may call me a hoe. Other’s may say, girl fuck it, do you. But what I will say is I do not regret the decision I made one bit. I may be an open book but I do not share information that hasn’t been asked nor am I obligated to. Some times my business is just that, MINE, but today I’ma speak.
So where should I start…?
Two, almost three years ago I was dating my baby daddy’s “friend” for about 6 months or something like that. Yup! I say friend in quotes because is anyone that is truly supposed to be your homie going to go behind your back and date your ex/mother of your kid? probably not but it’s not impossible. Was it planned? Not a all. I’m a very go with the flow type of person and once I start feeling something it’s hard for me to ignore. So when the conversations and all the hanging out started building feelings in me, I didn’t flee like some women would have. I went all in without any regrets.
Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.
Jonathan Larson
Should I have told him? I’m not sure. Part of me says yes and the other part says no because at the time we didn’t have much of a relationship/friendship. Like, honestly, it was really bad, so his feelings meant nothing to me. I hadn’t physically been with him since my son was 1 and he had already had multiple relationships before and after that. Anyways, once I realized they were still pretty close I told the guy I was dealing with to tell him what was happening if they were going to be kicking it together. Turns out he chose not to say anything and when I ended the relationship I was in no way thinking about letting my baby daddy know about it. It was over!
Fast forward to present day, I received a call from my son’s dad asking if I had sex with this person a year ago. My first reaction was who the hell told you that because seriously, who decided to bring this up two years later. I let him talk and then I finally revealed that it was 2 years ago and that yeah I was involved with him. I felt bad that he was embarrassed by everyone pretty much knowing except for him, but I just couldn’t have any regrets about the situation. I couldn’t take back what happened, nor did I want to take it back because for awhile I got to experience what it felt like to be wanted and what it was like to let down my guard again. Not only that but when it did go left I was reminded to always follow my intuition because it won’t stir me wrong.
If this would have happened to me back in college or some shit I would have faked my own death or something because I was all about putting a certain image out to the world about me. I used to hate having people look at me and then feeling like I was being judged for everything I’ve ever said or done.
In my adult/motherhood I’ve learned to say fuck it and own up to my shit. Why pretend like what I’ve done was a mistake when I’m the one who made that choice? I could have walked away from so many decisions that I’ve made but I didn’t because I didn’t want to. Every choice I’ve made in my life has made me into the woman that I am and has gave me the strength and confidence that I once didn’t possess. Many people may not agree with what I’ve done and what I will do but I’m not here to please anyone else but myself.
At the end of the day, let there be no excuses, no explanations, no regrets.
Steve Maraboli
Queen Media Collective 