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Photo by Maru Lombardo on Unsplash

Sex, it’s good or whatever but have you ever had that I f*ckin hate you, I never want to see you again, throw me up against the wall type sex? It’s lit right?! Well I ain’t here to talk about that because I know nothing about snatching the soul from a man I personally hate in the bedroom. Toxic sex with toxic partners is not what I’m used to or even trying to explore. That whole pain is pleasure and pleasure is pain is bullshit when it comes to a  man that keeps making me want to commit a crime.

But let me tell about how amazing it felt for me to have, “I hate HIM” sex with another man that was not making me feel next level crazy.

A year after having my son, I OFFICIALLY stopped dealing with my son’s dad, especially after finding out he wasn’t only having relations with me but with multiple women and sometimes in the same damn day. The disrespect I found in it all. What kinda man goes out there putting the mother of his child at risk like that, making it seem as if he wanted to rebuild a family and do right? BABY DADDIES, the ones that ain’t worth a damn. I was angry alright, but was I going to let him take a dip in my pot of honey? Not a chance.

When it came to him I found that the saying the best way to get over one man is to get under another and that’s exactly what I did. I used all my aggression on another partner and finally got over the thought of being with him but what I was left with was anger and regrets. With every argument and every thing that irked me the more I wanted to climb on top of another man and choke him while I rode the anger away. I wanted to be penetrated so deep that there was almost no feeling left in me and that was exactly what I was getting; sex so good I forgot what I was angry about.

The more he upset me the more I got my back blown out and the happier I became. It became my coping mechanism.

Instead of fighting, wishing the worst for him in my head and just being all out disrespectful, I was getting to release tension and feel extreme passion.

Studies have found that anger gives you the motivation to want to get closer to someone, mainly the person you are mad at. However, in my case I was becoming closer to a friend I had already been having relations with. The more anger built up inside me the more I craved being with him. Being with him was the right amount of balance I needed. We had an understanding, we were friends that liked to f*ck and could talk about our problems, including the dysfunctional people we dealt with. He’d hold me tight and give it to me rough. We didn’t ever have to kiss but there was still this chemistry and intense passion I felt due to the amount of emotions I already had building inside of me. I just had to release it.

For those who don’t know, anger is known to be an aphrodisiac. Your blood gets to flowing, which in return increases your blood pressure and heart rate. Sounds dangerous right? But once you get into the act of having sex your body releases hormones that send you into a state of happiness. These hormones include Oxycontin, the “love hormone,” Dopamine and Serotonin. Combine all these hormones together and you’ve pretty much banged every ounce of anger out of you and you no longer feel tense. I say it’s better than sitting around a group of friends getting angrier or sitting in a therapist chair every time you find yourself upset.

The sex wasn’t only getting rid of my anger, the stress I was feeling eventually went away. Being that I’ve been celibate for about 9 months now, I haven’t had to use sex to relieve stress or get rid of anger but during those times I will admit I felt like a new woman and like I was in control of my life. For once when it came to anything going on in the bedroom I was calling the shots. I was the one making the call instead of being the one called on and played out.

Next time you feel angry try taking it to the bedroom. It just may be the cure you need (unless you’re celibate of course).

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