Dating isn’t easy and when it comes to me & my personal life, I just prefer not to do it, especially with this never-ending COVID mess going on in the world. I can’t even think about getting too close to a person without freaking out about deadly germs coming my way. Though the pandemic has stopped me from getting to know someone on an intimate level, I know it hasn’t stopped a lot of men and women from dating, but you know one thing that will stop a person from dating or going on that second date? A person with multiple children. For some it’s a dealbreaker and for others it isn’t. I guess you can say it depends on that person’s situation.
I’m not against dating any man with children, as I’ve done it before, though it was not the most successfully. Because of my past experiences with fathers, I’d prefer to date a man that has no kids at all, but if the universe has stepmom written in my future I’m okay with that.
When men and women meet someone that has multiple kids an immediate warning sign pops up in their head because they are thinking the following:
- They are reckless when it comes to intimacy. Are you f*#@king everyone you meet without protection.
- Commitment isn’t their thing. Why didn’t it at least work with one of the parents?
- Their life comes with extra drama none of us want. Those two stay in some custody mess.
And all other crazy scenarios pop up in your head. The worst thing I ever had to deal with when dating a man with a kid, yes just one kid, was dealing with his baby mother. It wasn’t like I immediately met their son, but even before I did, he was giving me signs that she wasn’t going to be happy he was dating me. That alone should have been a sign for me to run. The amount of arguments and drama I ended up dealing with just wasn’t worth dating him anymore. I couldn’t even imagine if there were multiple children and mothers involved.
If you are thinking about dating a person with multiple kids the first thing you have to do is get rid of all the stereotypical thoughts in your mind. Not everyone has multiple bms/bds and not everyone has commitment issues. Some people have been married and eventually went their separate ways. Others may have had their partner pass away, leaving them to raise children on their own. Then there’s the cases when sometimes shit just doesn’t work out and that’s okay. You’ll most likely want to get all the facts before deciding if they are someone you want to continue pursuing because at the end of the day you wouldn’t just be in a relationship with that person, you’d be joining a family.
Here’s a few things you should take into consideration before deciding if someone with children is a dealbreaker or not:
The Ages of Children
I find the younger the children are the more likely feelings between the parents haven’t been completely worked out. It ends up being a lot of unresolved issues that could come into play while dating that person, especially if the child is in the baby & toddler stages. The older the kids are the more likely co-parenting is stable and they are more understanding of their parent dating someone new.
Many people don’t like talking about their exes. It can be uncomfortable and bring up a lot of feelings, but it’s always an important conversation to have when starting a relationship with someone who has children. Did they end on good terms or did it turn into a scene from a Tyler Perry movie? You also have to take into account that no matter how bad or good their co-parenting relationship is, there will also be another person in the picture. Are you ready and mature enough for that?
The Children WILL Come First
If you aren’t okay with coming second, it’s not going to work. No matter how you try to spin it the children are always going to come before you and if they don’t you shouldn’t want to deal with that person anyway. Taking care of children isn’t an easy job and it can weigh on you heavy. Kids will get sick, they will throw tantrums because they aren’t used to being away from their parent, the custody schedule may change or the babysitter might cancel. This means dates will be canceled, you might not get to speak to the person you are dating much or see them as much as you like. To put things simply you aren’t going to be the main priority, especially if a co-parent isn’t in the picture.
And this isn’t even a complete list of things you have to think about. If you do decide that person is worth your time and things eventually start getting serious there’s a whole new level of questions you have to ask yourself.
Let me know… would multiple children be a big NO for you?