I’ve always considered myself someone who doesn’t like change. It’s easier for me to stick with what I’m used to and comfortable with, because the idea of change gives me anxiety and I begin to fear the unknown. In recent years I started to realize that living this way has kept me in a box. Because I was terrified to leave the state and be away from my family and friends I settled for San Jose State when I really wanted to go to Spellman. Upon graduating, I limited myself to only looking and applying for local opportunities, because even though many of my friends were doing it, I couldn’t fathom the thought of ever leaving California, regardless of a good opportunity.
It is now the first month of 2021 and my life is about to change drastically. My environment, responsibilities, financial situation and everything is literally about to do a 360 and I am freaking out. Don’t get me wrong, I am excited about the changes that are about to come, but I am still very anxious. What if I fail? What if my transition doesn’t go as smoothly? What if I get homesick? So many things are going through my head and I’m trying to stay positive and not be a pessimist by hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst. As much as I’d love for everything to go 100% according to the plan, that just isn’t realistic.
In addition to the physical changes that will occur in my life, I also feel that some internal changes are necessary. Although my confidence and self esteem have drastically improved, there is still room for improvement. Why do I still question if I’m good enough? Why do I still get extremely nervous when asked what I do and who I am? Why do I still feel awkward networking fearing that I’m the least talented person in the room? These are questions that shouldn’t even cross my mind with everything that I’ve accomplished thus far. I haven’t reached the level of success I’d like to attain, but I need to work on being proud of myself and celebrating the small accomplishments instead of seeing myself as less than.
That’s the #1 focus for me in 2021… adapting to all the upcoming changes and being cognizant of more changes I need to make to improve my quality of life.
Every month I plan to do an update blog on my focus for that particular month, so stay tuned :).