My Life Be Like

Why Your Shot Didn’t Go In-Want vs. Value

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Dating as a millennial has always been a difficult task. You try to maintain yourself without giving too much or little to someone else. Dating when done correctly is a beautiful thing. My problem is the initial execution that starts the dating phase—the DM or private message. The act of messaging someone you like is intimidating. You don’t know their reaction or even if they find you attractive. Your mind races with three million things that could go wrong. What if they read my message and never reply? What if they screenshot this for a laugh with friends? At least these are the questions that cross my mind. However, as someone on the receiving end of “the shot” I’m realizing some of you want a quick game and others want to make history for years to come.

I’m aware that the way a man approaches me in my private messages isn’t a reflection of me. Honestly, his approach is based on his end game—nothing more, nothing less. I’m very aware that we are in the age of hook-up culture. As a woman, who is confident in her sexuality and body, I’m also aware that men fetishize me. They allow their other body parts to overpower their logic, which is why I don’t take the heart reactions or heart eyes to my photos too seriously. After all, it is social media. Of course, I’m flattered that someone finds me attractive, but that doesn’t impress me in the least. However, the DM’s warrant my attention due to their varying nature. I’ve had men message me with the intent of getting to know me; yet, it didn’t take me long to realize they “just wanted” me. The sexually explicit messages don’t shock me either, it’s the facade of pretending its more than that. Your intentions are to deceive until you get what you really desire.

So I’m aware that you want me, it just isn’t enough for me to respond. I’m not interested in someone, who sees me simply as a trophy. You don’t value me and you don’t desire getting to know me beyond what you see. What you want to know is the version of me you created through pictures. You’ve created a narrative of who I was based on perception. In the end, I’m simply just an object on your to do list. I’m something to do versus someone to understand as a person. I’m more than that and I always have been. More exist to me than the pictures you like to get my attention. I am a woman that brings more to the table than my outward appearance.  I deserved to be valued for my inner beauty, mindset, and what I’ve achieved thus far. So the idea of wanting me just isn’t enough for me to allow you in. The conversations you attempt to hold have no genuine intentions because they never gave me any value. So shot blocked, access denied, and game ended.

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