My love life has been non-existent for quite some time even prior to social distancing. Almost to the point where I forgot what I was looking for in a significant other. Lately, I’ve been finding myself attracted to those who possess rare traits like emotional maturity rather than seeking physical perfection or trying to make perfect connections. When I think of someone who is emotionally mature I picture them having a clear understanding of who they are as a person and knowing how to manage their emotions. Someone whose emotions aren’t influenced by toxic energy or bad experiences from their past. I’ve been doing some healing of my own, working to gain more control over my emotions but it’s been hard to find someone who can match that same energy. In my personal experiences I’ve come across men who are either overly emotional or have no emotions at all overall lacking emotional maturity.
Whether I hear it in music lyrics, see it on reality tv, or plastered all over social media, I can’t escape the trend of toxic traits in relationships & the exception of “situationships.” I’m not sure what happened to black love being a trend but the fascination of toxic behavior has taken over and now it’s starting to exhaust me. I knew I was ready to give up my toxic ways when I ended up on the receiving end of other people’s toxic behavior. When I started to become emotionally mature I realized that my previous toxic traits were just a reflection of my own insecurities and pain from my past.
In the midst of me trying to heal from emotional trauma, toxicity continued to trend all around me. I felt like it was being forced on the culture distracting myself and my peers from positivity and the beauty of black love. Conversations about love in our culture were minimized and topics on lust, infidelities, toxic traits, & settling were being discussed more frequently. Referring back to my old posts, tweets, and messages took me to a place that revealed how much my emotions were spiraling and being influenced by toxic trending topics. “Triggered” was an understatement. I fell into the movement real hard and I’ve honestly reached my limit especially now in my 30’s. Leveling up to make better choices in my future relationships & making sure I stay true to myself & in control of my emotions is what I’ll be focusing on going forward.