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Photo by Pablo Merchán Montes on Unsplash

Hey ya’ll!

It is now Cuffing Season and trust me, you gotta do this right. You don’t want to mess around and end up in a relationship. The sole purpose of this season is to stay warm and avoid being alone til the Spring time. Here is a foolproof plan to have a successful Cuffing Season. All you have to do is follow these rules to the T!

 

INITIAL STEPS: BUILDING YOUR ROSTER

I recommend that you start considering who you’d like on your roster at the end of September. This way, you have room to be selective and don’t have to settle for men from your past or men who are mediocre.

When building your roster, it is imperative that you have variety. Everyone should have different qualities and be beneficial in different ways. Here is an example of the types of men you should select as your draft picks:

  • The man with great sex- There is always one person who’s sex is immaculate. He won’t disappoint you when you are in the mood so lean on him when it comes to your sexual needs.
  • The Conversationalist– Sometimes you just want to have a stimulating conversation. This man is your go to for that. He is intelligent and won’t bore you or annoy you like many men would.
  • The Spoiler– This man will come over with alcohol, food, and be prepared to please you. It is imperative to have someone like this on your roster! You deserve it Queen.

 

RULES:

  • REQUIRE GAS MONEY

Ladies it is 2019. That means you shouldn’t be traveling to a man who is not your boyfriend’s house without receiving gas money PERIOD. Send him your Cash App, Venmo, hell even Paypal. If he really wants to spend time with you, he will send over $20 (or more depending on the distance) expeditiously. If not, have some dignity and stay your ass home.

  • NEVER DISCLOSE YOUR ADDRESS

 It may seem easy and convenient to have a man come to you but trust me DON’T DO IT. Especially if he is new and you don’t know him that well. A night of ectasy is not worth a potential stalker. Plus, you don’t want him to be able to pop up and interrupt your time with someone else on your roster. You go see him and if he has a living situation where he can not have you over, he needs to be demoted to the bench or dropped from your roster completely until his circumstances change.

  • CARDINAL RULE: USE PROTECTION!

We’ve all gotten caught up in the moment and not used protection, but this Cuffing Season it is important that you don’t slip up! A night of emotionless fun can lead to a baby or STD, so make sure you make him strap up. Trust me, a night of pleasure is not worth the potential long term effects. Even if he says “But your on the pill right?” or “I just got tested, I’m clean” PROTECT YOURSELF AT ALL COSTS.

  • DON’T GET IN TOO DEEP

Understand that while you may enjoy your cuffing season buddy, this is NOT meant to be long term. Avoid getting in too deep (refer to rule #5) by ANY MEANS NECESSARY. Protect yourself by staying surface level. Its okay to discuss topics like how your day went, pop culture, your job, etc. but avoid discussing serious topics such as your family, your past and your feelings. Don’t let pillow talk cloud your vision, sis. 9/10 this man is NOT your soulmate.

  • REFRAIN FROM SEEING ANYONE ON YOUR ROSTER TOO FREQUENTLY

Even if you start to like any of the men on your roster, NEVER see him more than twice a week. Seeing someone too frequently can cause you to catch feelings and risk getting your feelings hurt. The point of cuffing season is to avoid being lonely temporarily, not to set yourself up for hearing a man say “You knew what this was.” Stay woke ladies.

  • AVOID MEN IN SIMILAR CIRCLES

To avoid being a topic of discussion, do your research to ensure the men on your roster are not connected in any way. If you don’t care about being discussed, fine, but I personally would do all I could to avoid that. Check for mutual friends, common hobbies (ie. Rappers, DJs, partiers, potheads), and past schools he attended and if there is no common connection add him to the roster. This rule is especially important for people that live in a community where everyone seems to know everyone.

  • ALWAYS TAKE A SOUVENIR

Men often treat us like conquests, so we might as well do the same. NEVER leave a man’s abode without taking a souvenir with you. This souvenir can come in the form of a hoodie, some basketball shorts or any other article of clothing. This can also serve as collateral if he ever tries to deny you or act funny.

  • IN CASE OF EMERGENCY

ALWAYS have someone on standby in case things go left. This includes if a dude starts acting strange, gets disrespectful, or if he is a new bae and you discover he is a bad kisser or something. Letting someone know where you are makes it easy to escape if things go differently than expected. Have a code word to text so you can get the emergency call and get the fuck ASAP.