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Photo by Shanique Wright on Unsplash

It was 2016 and I was DONE with black men. I had dated so many of them and kept getting the same results. I always thought it was ignorant to say you’re “Done” with an entire race (especially your own) because of experiences you’ve had but being cheated on by my ex had me feeling like yeeeeeah, maybe white men really do treat black women better. After everything I had heard from black women who had dated white boys, I was ready to give it a try.

I had only been attracted to a few white men once I got older and got a sense of blackness. But my bosses son (yes, I said my bosses son) who worked with us as well was sexy as hell to me. He had this rugged look and he would drive to work on his motorcycle looking so badass and fine. All I could do though was enjoy the view, because I was in a relationship.

As time went on my relationship started to suck ass. Everyone knew he was cheating on, but I just didn’t want to believe it. Conner randomly added me on Facebook and started to flirt, but I quickly shut that down and told him that I had a boyfriend. He told me to let him know when he fucked up, because he would. I was like well then LOL. But my relationship was going so bad I didn’t even check his ass. As my ex stopped paying attention to me, me and Conner developed a friendship. I’m not a cheater, but boy was I tempted. Every time Conner walked into the office I would start fantasizing about all the things we could do together. Shortly after, my boyfriend’s side chick came to me as a woman and that was the PERFECT time to end my hopeless relationship and embark on this new and exciting journey with this vanilla delight. I had tapped out of the relationship so long ago that I didn’t even feel bad when we messed around the next day. We sat in his truck at the San Leandro Marina making out and doing other shameful things. I finally felt wanted and desired. I hadn’t felt that in a while.

Me and Conner started talking non stop. The only thing that annoyed me was him telling me things his dad said about me. He told me his dad called me “A walking sexual harassment case”. I was like wtf! Because I wore non revealing skirts and dresses during the summer I was a WALKING SEXUAL HARRASMENT CASE?! The worst part about it was that his sister worked with us too (yeah it was a family affair) and she would wear very similar clothing as me, but because she was white with no curves, it wasn’t perceived the same. But I digress… I hated his dad and his dad hated me, which made working there shitty. The only part I would look forward to everyday was when Conner would come in all sweaty and sexy. No lie, I did start dressing a little better once we started messing around, but it was still work appropriate. He would text me about how turned on he was and I loved that. The fact that no one at work suspected a thing made me even more excited.

We finally went on our first date. He took me to the drive in theater in San Jose to watch Suicide Squad. Lets just say I didn’t see any of the movie. We drove to a secluded are, laid the seats down and had sex for the first time. It was… different. Sex with black men was better by far for many reasons LOL, but I liked him so it was whatever.

I was more than convinced that white men appreciated black women more than black men and I would have mixed babies and live happily ever after! However, it wasn’t long before Conner unleashed his fuck boy tendencies.

Conner suddenly stopped responding to me. We would make plans and he’d come up with some lame ass excuse or just not hit me up. I was surprised. He seemed so excited to be involved with me that him being distant had me confused as hell.

Then his sister (who didn’t know about us) and I were at work talking and she casually said “Now that Conner is always spending time with Kim.” I tried to remain calm but I was like “What? Girl your brother is talking to someone?” and she proceeded to give me the tea. I was soooo disgusted! This dude had been telling me how much he wanted me and now that we were involved he had the NERVE to disrespect me like that and be involved with other women?! I was SO ANGRY. I know I got attached way too quick, especially seeing that I had just gotten out of a relationship, but I didn’t care. I messaged him and went the fuck off like we had been dating for two years LOL. Of course he made excuses and then said he “wasn’t looking for anything serious” and I told him “I’m not looking for anything serious either, I just got out of a relationship, it’s all good.” I didn’t know what the fuck I wanted or what the hell I was doing. But in my head me and him were meant to be… how’d I come to that dumbass conclusion? I don’t know. But I was confident I could “change his mind” and disregarded him saying he didn’t want a relationship.

But that’s not the worst part…

And then it happened… he was telling me a story one day and this man said “nigga”. I was shook as hell. The way it rolled off his tongue you could tell he had said it many times before. My fantasy of being with a white man had suddenly transitioned into my biggest regret. Then it got worse; “I just don’t understand this whole Black Lives Matter Movement… All Lives Matter”. Now the LOGICAL thing to do would be to say fuck you and never talk to him again. Welp, I didn’t. Why didn’t I? I can’t even explain or make an excuse, but the Michaela I am today would of NEVER continued to fool with someone like that.

We had sex at work one day (I know I’m crazy) and after that he got a hotel for his b-day for us. We had sex all night and the next day he left for a camping trip with “his friends” and sister. Little did I know his other boo was attending this trip as well. The only reason I found out was because his sister told me about the trip once they got back. After that, I was done.

Luckily he subsequently crashed a company truck and instead of firing him (since his dad was the VP of the company) they demoted him to a construction worker instead of a ware houseman. I was happy, because that meant that I would barely see his stupid face because he was out in the field. After that he tried to hook up a few times, but I always responded short AF because I was over it and disgusted by his lying, all lives matter ass.

After that I went right back to black men. I came to the conclusion that I’d rather get dogged by a black man if I’m still gonna be getting dogged by men. But to be played by a damn WHITE BOY?! That shit was HUMILIATING. But today I have decided to share this story as the opening blog for my new Realer Than Real Series. Please share your comments below and if you enjoyed this, stay tuned for the next one.

 

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