Once upon a time there was a girl. A shy girl, a quiet girl, such a naive girl . She was from a small city and knew only the things that city had to offer. She had always seen things about the big cities and told herself that one day she would move and live this amazing life, have an amazing career and meet an amazing man.
So when she was 23 she had the opportunity to move to another city and SHE DID ! Moving from everything she knew with no one but herself, her car, and her clothes. She explored the new city like a child in the candy store. Discovering new things and people. Then there was “ HIM”.
Tall Dark and Handsome. Watching her from across the room as she swayed to the music with her home girls. Eventually she made her way over and made the first move. Asking him his name and making it known that she wouldn’t be calling him, he would be calling “HER.” Loving the confident woman she was turning into, loving this new city she was in and loving the idea of meeting a new man.
Of course it started with the non stop texts, then graduated to staying up on the phone all night! Dates and spending time and then it eventually turned into an official relationship.
After “HER” past relationship she vowed that she wouldn’t change; she would allow love to come to her and be open to being the woman she had never been before when it came to love. Sad to say that she should have kept her love for someone who truly valued her. Eventually the texts became less loving and more demanding. It turned from pleasing one another to “ HER” feeling as though she needed to do everything in her power to show him that he needed to be with her over the other women he was cheating on her with. Doing things that she sometimes had no business doing for him or any other man for that matter. Until one day he hit her. Pulling her down a flight of stairs and throwing her into a wall and scratching her face up.
She made an effort to tell” HIM “that she was leaving and wanted no part of him anymore. Heading back home to visit her family he called and texted over and over. Until finally she answered ! Begging and pleading that she take him back and that she needed to make sure that she wasn’t making him upset so that he wouldn’t lose his temper and hit her. So like any woman “ In Love” she went back. And Yes, it was good for a few months ! “HE” went back to the man she first met and who she fell in love with in the first place. Until one day “SHE” got a phone call from a woman who claimed to be his girlfriend and pregnant with his child. Naturally this crushed her, but she felt it was finally a way out. She moved out of her apartment and temporarily into a hotel until she completed her last few weeks of work and headed back to her hometown. “HE” found her, and of course the seriousness in her efforts to leave made him angry.
He took her in his car and drove 100 down the high way and got her into a secluded area where he ended up choking her and throwing her out of his car, punching her and bruising her face. Bruising her body so badly she wasn’t able to walk without pain for weeks.
She finally made her exit by disappearing to a friends how who allowed her to hide out in the neighboring town until she was able to get away freely.
She is ME!! I was a victim of domestic violence for over a year. I decided to share my story because it occurred to me that I have always been open and honest regarding most things in my life. I have been given a platform and I intend to use it for good. The person who caused the abuse has apologized! I forgave because it was in my heart to forgive but accepting an apology for wrong doing is something that will never happen. It took a few years for me to regain trust in other people! To have the urge to date and to learn who I was without being with a man! I had to learn the characteristics of conditioning abuse before the actual physical touching began! I tell my story in confidence, and full transparency! I know that I can not save everyone but if this helps one woman I will have done my job!
The biggest question I know will come is “why didn’t you leave?” What most people don’t understand is abuse is a mental and emotional problem. Getting in the mind of someone who loves you, and getting in the heart of someone who loves you is the quickest way for physical abuse to happen! Not always having the correct examples of love, or even the support without judgement is the reason many women stay in abusive relationships and sadly don’t always make it out! I survived and I wont ever accept being looked at as a victim! It made me understand that everything that glitters is NOT gold! I only hope that by me sharing my story it gives someone the confidence to leave !
Queen Media Collective 