Baby Mama – noun Slang: Often Disparaging and Offensive.
¹the biological mother of a man’s child, not married to the child’s father and usually not in a relationship with him.
The minute someone finds out you have a child the stereotypes start flooding the place. You’re no longer looked at as a MOTHER but a Baby Mama; The woman who can’t seem to let go of her baby daddy. The woman who’s always angry because she isn’t with the man she had a baby with, so she does shit like put her baby daddy on child support or stops him from seeing his child. MOTHERS get turned into the bitter baby mamas because we want better for our children but no one ever sees that side of the story. Fighting to get our stories heard becomes frustrating, draining and it also shows how fucking ignorant people can be.
At the end of the day I will always be a mother first and the way I react to the man I created a baby with has nothing to do with us not being together and it’s stupid for people to assume that’s the reason all baby moms have issues with their baby father’s. My son’s dad doesn’t like when I put our business out there but I’ve had him call me bitter, come for my womanhood and try to discredit what I do as a mother because “that’s my job.” WELL, it’s your job too but guess what? Most men and even women who know nothing about the ends and outs of what goes on in a co-parenting relationship are forever going to go off what the dad says and assume, that bitch is just bitter.
I’ve had my own sister, out of anger of course, yell that I’m mad because I’m not with my baby daddy. Out of everything we did and said in that argument, I literally laughed out loud when I heard those words. I thought, if only she knew how much I don’t want to be with someone like that. Almost all the time he could have been spending with our son he was either in trouble, being too prideful – not wanting to apologize for things he had said or done, was too busy thinking the words coming out of my mouth were someone else’s and not how I truly felt. He was spending all that time thinking I was being bitter instead of thinking about how I was more concerned about the safety of our son. He’s definitely grown and understands where I’m coming from more than he used to but the frustrations I have somewhat remain the same.
Most people know I’m not his first baby mother and I’m damn sure not the last as he has a baby due very soon and I’m positive he’ll have more. Finding out about the pregnancy wasn’t a surprise to me, I’ve been down that road a few times and figured I’d be going down it again but I’ll be the first to admit there was no part of me that was happy about the situation. First I decided to keep my mouth shut because when I speak my truth it’s a honest one but it doesn’t come off in the most positive way. I wasn’t going to throw my hands in the air and celebrate a new life coming even if that life was half of my son. Might sound rude but it’s honest. I spent so much time being my baby daddy’s best friend that after becoming his baby mother no matter how much we fought he still found ways to confide in me. At first it was cool but after awhile I didn’t want to hear the shit especially when it came to talks about kids I wasn’t going to be raising. If it had nothing to do with my son I just didn’t want to talk about it. The kids will have their own relationships and it won’t be because of me but because of how his dad chooses to raise them together. That’s a relationship I’d never come between but it’s also one I don’t need to stress off building.
Anyways let me get back on track to why I was upset. It wasn’t because he had moved on. I’m happy he found someone AGAIN and that my son gets along with her. Now, I wasn’t happy about it because I was frustrated. To me, bringing a new life into the world, when you are still working on bettering yourself and building up a relationship with your existing child isn’t smart, it was plain stupid to me, especially after all this talk about not wanting to have a kid (what happened to safe sex).
For years we went through a battle of trying to ensure my son had a safe and stable place to be so he could be in the presence of his dad, because let’s be honest I care more about his safety than I ever will mine and I wasn’t letting him go no place I knew nothing about (location, people, etc). We finally got to a place where I felt he was finally going to get all the time he lost out on, so for me it was unfair for his dad to bring another child in the picture without doing what he was supposed to. How can you say you want to do a certain thing and then always go in the opposite direction? Forever taking a step forward just to take a million back.
But what frustrates me even more than that is the fact I can’t just call on his dad and he will show up. When my son can’t breathe and I’m rushing to the ER, which I’ve had to do many of times, I know his dad can’t just pop up. When I have an emergency or need to get somewhere quick I have to turn to those closest to me (mom,sister,my dad). I can barely get out the house and when I do it’s always that chance I’ll have to turn right back around. During the times I want to cry because I need a break like no other I have to suck it up because there is no one there to give it to me.
No matter what people say or think about me I AM THE CONSTANT for my son, so for anyone to ever say I’m bitter and not think about the frustrations that come from being a single mom, yes single, you’re crazy and you most likely don’t have kids. There is no such thing as me leaving whenever I want to do what ever I want. There’s no such thing as not having to worry about taking care of him (mentally, physically, financially). I cannot say maybe if I have this we can do that. When it comes to my son I cannot make one excuse because he is mine and my job is 24/7 7/24. I fully accept and love every part of it.
But once again… B-I-T-C-H-E-S,
not all mother’s are bitter because they aren’t with the child’s father. Some of us just get frustrated knowing our children deserve way more than they get (love,care,attention) – overall consistency. We have a responsibility but niggas, you do too.
-Baby Mama Management