Growing up I was always the shy kid, never really spoke unless spoken to and even then; I was often afraid to really say how I felt. I was never confident I could make the right decision and I never accept the things I was passionate about that would help me grow as a woman and I always felt that others were accomplishing things that I would never be able to keep up with. In high school, I was bullied for being different and standing out on my own and that caused me to shut down even more.
With all my self-doubt and constant fear of being ridiculed for what I wanted to do made me put my pen down and stop writing completely for over 8 years. I wouldn’t even write in my journal. Then I looked up and realized all I was doing was working my 9-5 and going home but not being completely fulfilled in what I felt was my purpose. So, I just started writing any and every thought that came to my mind. Good thoughts, bad thoughts, anything thing that my brain and heart was holding on to. Then I realized WELL DAMN! This is my passion! I felt an overwhelming sense of peace when I was writing! Creating stories from my own laughter and pain. Being real with myself and then realizing it was time to be real with others. That was the moment that my first poem book came into Publication and the feedback was so amazing.
I had a high for a moment and then here came back those old feelings of self-doubt. And telling myself what I couldn’t do. Feeling insecure about the things I did express and how others were taking it and just not saying to my face. Crushing my own ideas and dreams. Feeling as if people around me who had been doing this so long would trump my accomplishments and of course telling myself I wouldn’t be able to compete with that. I sort of came to a halt. Going to others with my thoughts and ideas because I felt like I couldn’t make good decisions for myself on my own. Hindering the full potential that I KNEW I possessed. And I know I did because any creative thing anyone around me needed I helped them manifest and help them build their own confidence.
So, I asked myself
“what are you afraid of?”
“why aren’t you being all that you can be?”
The answer was and is VERY simple! I’m afraid of ME!! I’m afraid that everything that I have ever wanted and could dream for myself will come true. All from the one thing that I have always been passionate about.
Understanding my heart is what drives me. I stopped looking for the opinions of others to help validate what I knew in my heart to be correct. I go with my first gut when making decisions with my writings and my business. And sorry to say it but some people around me HAD TO GOOO! I wouldn’t accept anyone’s negative outlook on my dreams or let them be another thing standing in the way of my fullest potential.
I say all that to say this, MAKE SHIT HAPPEN! no matter what your passions are don’t hinder your abilities for fear of yourself and what all your passions could bring. Don’t hold yourself back because you feel others around you are doing more than you and you can’t compete. Trust me it’s no competition and YOUR TIME will come. And do not EVER let a friends’ choice to not be supportive of how you feel and what you want for your life stop you! You can attain ANYTHING!
Queen Media Collective 