As a sexuality professional, I get all kinds of questions. People volunteer to tell me about their sexapades and base conversations on assumptions they’ve made about me. Although it’s funny to hear about yourself from others, I’m going to take this time to answer the question: Why sex?
I’ve always been interested in sex and sexuality; I didn’t get it. For some reason, I really needed to understand what was so good about sex. Why is the physical act of a penis thrusting in and out of a vaginal canal powerful enough to ruin relationships, families, and friendships? Middle school Misha wanted to know. In high school, my interest shifted to relationship dynamics, desire, love, and of course, heartbreak. Pleasure found itself in the conversation towards the latter half of my undergraduate career. It was followed by epiphanies identifying intersections of social justice and sexuality (we can talk about this another day).
I decided to jump head first into sexuality as a professional because I believe it’s important to encourage people to purposely pursue pleasure, especially in a world that’s so fucked. Think about it: white supremacy is the root of all evil, America’s capitalist core is causing self destruction, our healthcare, education, and judicial systems are designed to marginalize communities, and generational curses are kicking our asses. Life is hard! And we have technology! Imagine how difficult life was when our elders were our age. I highlight this to say that although things have gotten and will continue to get better, there’s no chance we’ll dismantle white supremacy and capitalism in our lifetimes. We’re working towards the goal so future generations can build on our work and one day come to a solution.
This realization washes me over with feelings of hopelessness and courage at the same time. It’s hopeless to consider I’ll never see a truly equitable society and the understanding that everything is socially constructed actually gives me courage to try almost anything! So what does this have to do with sex right? If I’m so focused on promoting courageous change, then why not just be a social activist right? I hear you AND I also want to lead a pleasurable life. It’d be inauthentic for me to encourage others to purposely pursue pleasure while denying my own. So yes, me and sex:
Sex and I started our entanglement so long ago I barely remember, but what I do recall is that I was always asking questions. Discovery gave me a rush. New experiences excited me. Even conversations kept me invested. Once I began to feel levels of pleasure that sexuality gave me access to, I wanted everyone to know about the possibilities. Yes, the world sucks but have you tried tapping into intentional pleasure? I know sex won’t solve all of our problems, nor do I expect it to. I simply gain peace from supporting others in finding a small slice of euphoria while navigating a self destructive society.
What do you actually do??
As a sexuality professional, I tend to focus on education and challenging people to think deeply about what they believe is possible. Some people like to talk to me about varying relationship dynamics, sex drive, orgasms, oral sex techniques, sex toys, erectile dysfunction, gender expression, language, or even mindfulness. I’m here for it all! I host community events both in person and virtually to promote deep thinking and share knowledge. Want to know about nonmonogamous relationships? Sign up for a series. Do you just want to be in a space open enough to unpack past sexual experiences or desires? Call me and we’ll run it. Are you looking for hands on support? Not my area, but I can potentially point you in the direction of a somatic sex educator.
I also help people understand that not everyone on this planet is going to align with who, what, and how we believe they “should”. Shaking assumptions about who, what, and how individuals “should” exist sets the foundation to release expectations. Once we no longer have expectations of “should” we give people space to simply be. Be a freak if and when you want, be conservative when and if you don’t. As previously mentioned, there’s a good chance life is going to fuck you anyway, so you might as well get your nut (or at least enjoy the experience) too.