Although I’ve stopped being friends with people in the past, this most recent friendship dissolution definitely hurt me the most. It happened about a week ago and I still can’t process that she won’t be in my life anymore. I keep reminding myself that everyone is not meant to be in our lives forever. It still sucks though.
I keep asking myself what I could of done differently… what I could of said… when did our friendship become such a low priority for the both of us? But instead of dwelling on what went wrong, I need to figure out how to move on.
I just feel so indifferent. Apart of me feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, because being friends with her was starting to feel forced and exhausting. But another part of me wants to call her up like “Bitch, come on now, you know I love you. Let’s work this out!” However, I am 100% sure its in my best interest to let it go. The last conversation we had, it was very clear that she had emotionally tapped out and had no interest in continuing the friendship.
This dissolution has caused me to be extremely reflective about the other people in my life and the dynamic of our relationships. Although I can admit I am not always the most accessible (which was a contributing factor to my last two friendship dissolutions), when someone needs me I am ALWAYS there. I have never left anyone out to dry, missed a major life event or openly disrespected any of the people in my life. I value my friends and love very hard, which is not always the best trait, because it can cause me to get my feelings hurt like I did last week. In the past few years I’ve really tried to make myself more available, but there’s only so much you can do when you literally have no time or energy to spare. For the most part, most of my friends understand and respect that I’m busy and don’t have the time, energy or money to hang out as often as before. I just wish the last two friends I lost would have felt the same.
Although I am sad about not having my friend anymore, I am blessed to have so many other supportive and positive people around me. I will continue to be the person I am and understand that the woman I am becoming will not be for everyone and that’s okay.