Go Awf!

Severed Ties: Don’t Update Me on People I No Longer Eff With

In my 29 years of life, I’ve broken ties with plenty of people. As we all do in our lives. Some on good terms, some on bad terms. I’ve even left a bad taste in few people’s mouths upon my departure. Yet, they’ve always been warranted and needed most times. I’ve always been an advocate of knowing when its time to leave a situation gracefully. I’ve also been a firm believer of leaving peoples’ lives without the need to keep up with them after. I don’t feel the need to give my time or energy to situations I’ve buried. I say this from a place of love, but please stop bothering me about people I don’t fu*k with. 

They no longer are a component of my life so their life after me serves no purpose. Yet, its baffling when friends or family provide me with an update on people I no longer associate with. I’ve come to understand updates come from one of three reasons, if not all three. I do understand that sometimes, it’s just to make conversation. Other times its to validate what I initially said about that person’s character. That last percent though? Is simply to see my reaction of the update. However, my reaction leaves people perplexed once it isn’t the one they wanted. Why?  Because what other people do once we depart ways is no longer my business. So the conversation of what they’re up to doesn’t deserve my energy. I don’t care to know, and it isn’t because I’m bitter or jealous. It just simply doesn’t benefit me in anyway. Am I happy for them being better people or achieving goals? Yes, I am—it’s just not MY concern. That update won’t pay a bill, finish a degree, or expand my business.  Updates are selfish for two reasons:

  1. They can be triggering.

Do we ever stop to think that one update may be a trigger? We love to drop information without knowing if an individual is in a head space for what’s being said. I’ve watched people drop information in group chats and at dinner dates, without ever pausing to consider someone’s mental health. Consider this, maybe your best friend doesn’t need to know her ex-boyfriend got engaged. Maybe that one update opens a wound she hasn’t fully healed yet. Consider that one ex-friend’s career update is the one that caused a breakdown in your friend whose business is failing. Sometimes an update is the last thing needed. That one update can destroy months, years, etc. of healing from trauma, abuse, or self-harm. One word can cause 100 hundred wounds.

2. Sacrifice of peace for a reaction. 

Sometimes that one update will have you questioning your judgment or peace of mind. You’ll think over the details of a situation that you know isn’t healthy or beneficial. You might even validate your reaction to the news. Because no one wants to seem angry, vengeful , or petty in those situations. So you’ll pick words with careful intent to prove that. Yet, in that process you’ve surrendered part of yourself to avoid bad blood. It becomes a mind game each time someone brings up that person or situation. 

So, nah don’t bother me about situations or people I’m good on. The tie is severed, and I’m no longer looking to reconnect. 

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