“If your version of me respecting you involves me disrespecting myself, you can go.”
Have you ever experienced a person that makes you feel guilty for saying no? Or just an indifference to how they make you feel? They make you feel terrible for setting a boundary. They make you feel like you’re being difficult if things don’t go their way. They always have one foot out—guilt tripping. Guilt tripping is a manipulative way to get others to do what you want despite how they may feel. We’ve all experienced guilt tripping in some form or way. We’ve also subjected someone to it as well. Whether it was peer pressure or being forced to do something due to unforeseen circumstances. Everyone falls prey at some point in their journey.
I haven’t always been comfortable with setting boundaries or expressing when someone has hurt me. I found myself feeling like a horrible person when I said no to those around me. However, different life experiences have encouraged me to speak my truth without regret or shame. As with all things though, this new habit didn’t come easy. I was worried about what others would say once I established my ground. I struggled to figure out what my boundaries were or if they even existed. How would I know when someone had crossed me? What was the next step after I said no? So many questions ran through my mind, but I realized I couldn’t let the fear of not knowing keep me complacent. Then, I realized we all know when our boundaries have been crossed—we just choose to ignore it. Our body tells us each time. Its that wrenching feeling you get in your gut; you feel nauseous and uncomfortable. Your thoughts seem to run together and you’re suddenly speechless. Yet, even when our bodies give us signs, we ignore that feeling to avoid conflict or disappointment. However, I realized that wrenching feeling exist for a reason. It helps us to realize what’s important to self even when the words of others make us feel otherwise. I’ve found freedom with listening to that feeling. I’ve found that creating boundaries and sticking to them is essential to maintaining my energy. Anything that makes me uncomfortable is either addressed and respected or removed entirely. There is no in between. I refuse to compromise on the boundaries I create. No matter what tactics are used to make me feel guilty. My boundaries are just that—MINE, and anyone who genuinely loves me should understand that.
So don’t feel guilty when they put their foot; simply step over it and keep walking.