My name is Sydney Reneé, but if you’ve been keeping up with me and my writing you should know that already. If you don’t, take some time to go back and read a few of my articles.
Usually I write poems for my series but I’m going to add a second part to The She Series and call it “Letters To My Ex.”
This first letter is about a first love. We all have them and we all have moments when we think we’re missing out on what used to be and what could be. Just know those feelings and that person have the potential to change.
I hope you enjoy!
I don’t know how many times I can tell you this, but I’ll always love you more. Beautiful you are, beautiful you’ve always been and beautiful you’ll remain. From the braids in your hair, to the fro on your head down to the dreads flowing down your back, you’re the closest thing I could come to a walking, breathing heart. From the smile on your face, to the softness of your lips, to the sound of your voice, you’ve always been someone I couldn’t resist. The first guy to ever pull me close and kiss my lips.
Looking back, what if I never figured out you were going to be someone I missed? Maybe I wouldn’t compare teenage love to the present. Thanks to you, it leaves me stuck, wondering if real love even exists. Do you only get one experience? I ask because sometimes I feel like you were my only chance at what seems like I’ll never have again, a new beginning and ending. From those late night phone calls and sweet text messages, to those petty arguments to those pop up visits. I can say you taught me about real communication. From those days I wasn’t ready to give away what was so precious to the night I finally gave you all of me, to the gentle way you held onto my body and made sure you weren’t hurting me; you showed me how a person can be so patient and caring.
You’re my first, not my last, but I wish you could teach these new men some of the ways to love me mentally and physically because they seem to have no clue what it is to feel love and affection. Though I must admit, as we got older the less appealing you became to me. My love, you’re turning into everything I didn’t want you to be. There’s a lack of consistency and you can no longer keep your promises. You say we’re family and it’s the way things will always be, but the more you try to reassure me, the more I see the picture of you vanishing. Find someone who you can love wholeheartedly, the way you used to before this life got a little too crazy.
That girl you couldn’t make it last forever with.