I Did It!

I just want to express how proud I am of myself.

I did that!

I took my pain and I finally decided to look at it like really look at it
and not hide from it anymore.

And boy did this disrupt my entire life
and what l had set in motion 
all my proud coping mechanisms that l added to my daily lifestyle. 

Very similar if not exactly the same with the coronavirus in 2020. 
How it just swooped in and completely disrupted our life. 
How now for most of us things will never be the same. 

Some of us are still fighting the feelings 
of the economic/health crisis that we faced
and continuing…

Some of us have acknowledged what has taken place and have 
created a new and healthy way of evolving. 

Get it now…

If it wasn’t for Covid and the world shutting down 
per say
I would not have the peace that l have now. 

Energies and spirits pushed me
they pushed me in the middle of a fight circle
and they all yelled and screamed for me to do better
for me to come on and do something.

Shoving me back and forth
extremely loud voices
egging me on and never letting up.

Not until l threw the first punch.
The first thing I knocked the fuck down was ego
that bitch had to die and l killed her
by telling her about herself. 

Letting her know that in order to move forward she has to go 
she has served her purpose 
and now this purpose no longer serves me. 

Then l confronted fear 
she was the loudest and the biggest
her shoving pushed me back the furthest.

I let that bitch know that 
now IM IN CHARGE.
And she needs to exit the mother-fucking building. 

I also spoke to the childhood adversary gang
those no good suns of pickles 
go way back… generations back
I let them know that they’re slick manipulative intentions are recognized. 

I see the narcissist, the sexual predators
the vile religious manipulators, the drug and alcohol enthusiasts, the comfortability in codependency, and conscious abusers. 

Once again I called them all out 
named my fucking name and I confronted them all
I let them know that I see you bitch and your death wish is canceled. Your years and months and days of agonizing pain and detrimental behavior patterns
are canceled.

Very very soon instead of me feeling like l once was a victim in the middle of the fight circle
I now started to see my strengths and recognize my fighting skills in ways that I never have. Abilities I didn’t even know I had. 

I was able to talk louder not screaming and firmer by not yelling and letting them know that I hear you and I see you, but bitch it’s time to go. BOUNCE!


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