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Growing up I’ve never been the popular girl, despite what everyone likes to believe. My group of friends could barely form a triangle but throughout middle and high school, I didn’t think about it much. I might not have had a ton a friends but I still felt welcome. It wasn’t until I left college that I noticed I hadn’t had a clique of my own or one I belonged to.

a small group of people, with shared interests or other features in common, who spend time together and do not readily allow others to join them.

– Clique

For the longest time it bothered me, and made me think that maybe I had something wrong with me. In the back of my head I always wondered if I was the reason I had no friends, and to be honest, I’m pretty sure I’m part of the reason. Not because I’m not a likable person but because I refuse to deal with bullshit.

There’s a few individuals I’m close to and continue to build bonds with BUT for the most part I’m always alone.  I don’t have a group of girls I can call to go out with, shop with, take vacations with and all that other cute shit, besides my family. At one point I found myself completely down about it but the more people I come across the more I realize why I don’t do cliques, which the Bay Area is full of.

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You’re probably thinking, aren’t cliques more of a thing for teenagers but trust me when I say it’s not. It happens with the adult crowds more than you think, in and outside of the office. If you’re not apart of the inner-circle, nothing you do matters, you’re pretty much invisible to the world. It’s like living Mean Girls in real life.

The main reason I don’t do cliques though is everyone, well mostly everyone in them are FAKE AF

I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve been brought around a group of people by someone I know and then watched how they down talked each other when they weren’t in the same room. You’d think people would want to hang around people they actually like but they are obsessed with being around those they clearly hate.

About a year, almost 2 ago, I ended a friendship with a female that was going on about three years. I thought we had a real bond going, especially with our kids spending birthdays together but I should have known it was all phony when we first started hanging. She would introduce me to a bunch of people she was “friends” with but she always had something bad to say about them behind their backs, like shit you’d fight somebody over. Since she was fun to hang out with I didn’t think too much about it until one day she caught herself wanting to fight me. She legit had all these people she talked mad shit about looking at me all kind of sideways as if I was the enemy, not knowing that if I spilled everything she every told me they’d be rethinking their friendships with her. Needless to say I was happy to be out of that friendship and happy I wasn’t apart of that clique.

If you can talk like that about your so-called friends there’s no telling what you’d say about me when my back was turned. But hey, they say keep your enemies close, right?

Another reason I stay far away from cliques is because I notice a lot of times you can’t be yourself.  I don’t base my behavior and who I deal with based on what other people think. I learned a long time ago if someone can’t love/like you for who you are then it’s no point in being around them. I’d rather be a butterfly than trapped with a group of people that don’t want to see my growth.

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