When I think of my living situation all I can think of is that meme with Jaden Smith from the Karaote Kid Movie…
If you have been following my blogs you know that I have went back and fourth about moving out for a very long time. I don’t like living with my family and I feel like I’ve outgrown the dysfunction. In order to live a happy and productive life, I need to go. My family depends on me a lot and I feel like it’s time to solely look out for me. Now don’t get me wrong I am nowhere near selfish but I have a hard time saying no. Therefore, it has made it harder to save money and stay focused. I stress over my family so much and have shed so many tears, because I can’t stand the constant dysfunction. Being an emotional person, I can feel my being depreciating, because of the moodiness I experience in my household. It’s like no one is happy, everyone is constantly picking a side and I don’t get the amount of support I would like. I feel like there is more jealousy in my house than the support that family should have for one another and it’s unfortunate AF.
I am happy I have my boyfriend and friends to lean on, but lately I still just hate it here. I hate waking up knowing I still live with my parents, I hate having to share one bathroom with five people, I hate not having my own space. And what’s privacy? That doesn’t exist in this house.
My room doesn’t have a lock on it. It never has and I never cared. Why? Because I have nothing to hide. But it is extremely annoying to come home from work and see things in my room moved around or objects that weren’t there before. Why at 24 do I have to worry about these type of things? Why wouldn’t my family know that going in someone’s room is an invasion of privacy and completely unacceptable especially when I pay rent?
No matter how many times I ask for privacy I get ignored… and don’t forget the constant reminding of everything that is “done for me”. I never ask to be cooked for, I never ask for my clothes to be washed… I don’t ask for any of it. I am not ungrateful, I am very appreciative. But how can you throw something in someone’s face that they didn’t ask for?!
This may seem like a rant, but I am unapologetically opening up. I want more independence… I want more of being focused on Michaela, I want more privacy, I want more of a healthy living environment. For financial reasons and because I want to continue to enjoy life(meaning being able to shop and go on spontaneous vacations) I will continue to endure living at home. I always think back to how I couldn’t wait to move back home after college; being back around my family after five years, having home cooked meals, laughing. But clearly my perception of being at home is different being an adult. I now see the clear dysfunction and feel the tension between different individuals in the household. Don’t get me wrong I love my family to death. I have fun with them and wouldn’t trade them for anything, but staying under the same roof has just become unbearable.
2017 brought me a lot of things. I am just hoping 2018 gives me a piece of mind in the form of my own place. At this point all I can do is continue to pray and make the best of my living situation. I know that people have it way worse, and I could be homeless or living in a bad neighborhood, but it’s time to go.