So I have been single for almost a year now. Usually I have someone I am talking to or dating, but right now I don’t and I love it. The thing that made me stop entertaining random men was a conversation I had with a temporary friend. I only knew this man for like a month, but man he gave me so much wisdom. He asked me, “Do you have standards?,” I started laughing and responded, “Of course I do, but I’m open minded, I bend them from time to time.” Then he told me;
“Then you don’t have standards. If you had standards you’d know what you want and not change it. You’d stick to it and be serious and never settle for less.”
After my friend told me that I was silent for a second before responding. I suddenly thought of all the exceptions I have made in the past for men who possessed qualities and lifestyles that I did not like.
I started thinking well every guy smokes weed, every guy has kids, every guy does XYZ, I need to stop being so picky. But NO! You like what you like and you want what you want. I started realizing after that conversation that I’d rather be alone than accept things I have a problem with. I shouldn’t have to deal with baby mama drama, scrubs and people that don’t see the value in education.
This whole month I have been doing me. I have had men approach me, but I am just not settling anymore. Last year I wrote a blog about having standards, but I didn’t realize that I didn’t have any either. Just in this month alone dudes have approached me who have children, crazy baby’s mothers, are unemployed, college dropouts and men who do not believe in God. I am a Christian and I have always wanted someone who regularly attended church and believed, but I have never dated ANYONE who did. I would just be like oh that’s not a big deal, if they have all the other qualities I need it’s fine. But no dating a man of God is important and shouldn’t be compromised. I’m starting to feel like maybe that’s why my love life is so catastrophic LOL. God is the foundation for a good relationship.
To fill in the time I usually spend dating I have been working out, hanging out with my friends more and plotting and planning for the future. I mentioned before that I have been dedicating more time to myself as far as regularly getting my nails, feet and hair done. It feels so good to feel beautiful and know that it is all because of me… no one else. The money I make from my second job goes to spoiling myself. Being independent is so rewarding.
Another reason I am loving this single life is the freedom. I always date possessive people who try to control me and now I can just chill, not feel guilty about things and not answer to anyone. I have been taking advantage of every opportunity and it’s amazing. I am 24 no kids, no relationship, no warrant for my arrest LOL all I have is my knowledge, my ambition and the amazing people in my corner. My family, friends and new connections I have made via networking have done nothing but uplift me.
Being single was depressing to me at first, but now I realize it’s the best thing that could of happened to me at this point in my life. I see a lot of people who are being held back in life because of their relationships. People who can not progress because of that weight. If someone is limiting your possibilities, not supporting you and not being a positive influence in your life GET OUT like the movie. Being single can be lonely, but the extra time to self improve is so worth it… especially if your relationship isn’t fulfilling. Take it from me.