Wedding and Baby Fever -_-

Hello my loves,

The long weekend is over and tomorrow we all return to reality. The reality of work and whatever other responsibilities you may have. My reality is that I have to go to the AT&T store and figure out my cellphone situation. I am never without a phone, so this weekend was annoying. However, it has been a little more peaceful. A lot of people constantly text and call me, so not being as available has been a breathe of fresh air.

As soon as I got back from Lake Tahoe, I turned on the television to VH1 , so I could watch the Season 3 premiere of the show Hit the Floor.  I was extremely excited, but 15 minutes into the hour episode I found myself in tears. Why? Lately I have been having wedding and baby fever. The season premiere focused on the main character’s wedding (side-note: Hit the Floor is a good show if you have never watched it before!).

I recently have been asked to be a bridesmaid for one of my best friend’s weddings, I have been invited to a couple baby showers and I have watched my friends blossom into wonderful relationships. Do not get me wrong, I am EXTREMELY happy for everyone and blessed to be able to witness love. It just makes me ask myself questions… questions like what’s wrong with me? What did I do wrong? Why am I alone and why do I deserve this? Don’t get me wrong, I know I am only 23 and that is young. However, I imagined I would be a little closer to marriage than I currently am. I am a hopeless romantic, so the thought of being married and starting a family makes me smile from ear to ear.

I feel like every guy I like sees my as one of the “homies”or just wants me for one thing. Guys approach me, but of course it’s the age old story where the people who want you, you never want and the ones you want do not want you. Seeing that I just got out of the most damaging relationship in my life, I should be swearing off guys completely. However the romantic in me continues to interact with the opposite sex.

I just want something deep and meaningful… I know that there is a time for everything, but when is my time? I feel like nothing ever works out for me and it is starting to annoy me. How many storms will I have to go through to finally have my successful ending? I guess only time will tell, but in the meantime I will continue to be happy for everyone. I have never been a hater and won’t start now. Sometimes I just get in my feelings, which I will focus on not doing this week. Let go and let God… the best quote I have ever heard.

I am infamous for trying to force things, which is detrimental and unhealthy. If there is not mutual effort from both parties, I need to be able to walk away from a situation. I always like a chase and that usually blows up in my face. Acknowledging this, I plan to take a step from people who show me no time and effort to focus on what’s more important… chasing my DREAMS and not PEOPLE.



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