#GreenFlags: Lessons From Love & Dating

On social media as of late, we have been seeing a trend where people are listing certain things they view as red flags. Some of these are humorous as some people can relate to them. Others may not tickle our funny bones as much but we’ll angrily agree with them because we are able to relate from personal experience we’d rather forget. While people are on social media venting about red flags (a.k.a turn-offs), I don’t see very many people highlighting things they that do find attractive (green flags) in the dating phase. That is what I intend to with this article, but not before I list a couple of red flags of my own first!

Red Flags

• Not responding to a text but being all over social media- I am in no way a controlling man but in the beginning stages of getting to know each other, I try my best to put forth effort into showing a lady that I am interested in her. I also understand and respect that she has a life as well and lengthy conversations may not be in the cards all of the time but at least put the same amount of effort in trying to get to know me like I do for you. When I text you and you don’t respond but I see that you have been active on social media, that let’s me know that getting to know me is not on your list as much as it is on mine. One thing I don’t do is chase so I’ll just silently bow out.

• A crazy family- We can’t choose the families that we’re born into. With that being said, thank God I was born to two amazing parents who provided love and stability for me and my siblings! There are certain standards I have thanks to them and anything less than that, I may not be willing to put up with. If her family is different from my own (in a good harmless way) but they are nice genuine people then we could get along just fine. But if her folks are trifling, messy, smell of mediocrity, gossiping when in reality, their life is no better, and God knows whatever else, then that’s my cue to exit. I’m not dealing with her or that.

•Poor appearance/bad hygiene- While this should fall under basic hometraining sadly it doesn’t and I’m sure we all know someone like this or have had this kind of experience. I try to look my best when stepping out for a date and I DEFINITELY MAKE SURE MY HYGIENE IS ON POINT! This includes body and breath! One thing a woman could never say about me was that I smelled like I’ve been dropping onion rings at five different Burger King locations plus cleaned out the dumpster! Or that I almost burned her eyebrows off because my breath stinks! I expect the same from my dates. Please show up smelling like you were raised right even if you wasn’t. Come smelling and looking like you had an aunt, grandmother, or some older female relative that cared about you enough to teach you the importance of hygiene and making a good first impression and please don’t make me want to wear my mask the entire date because your breath smells like you ate road kill from last week! Also, put effort and energy into your wardrobe. I’m not asking you to dress to the nines, but please match my sexy! Let’s look like we belong on the cover of Essence Magazine and not like one of us (you) stepped off of a Greyhound bus.

• Not knowing how to act in public- This is another one that should fall under the category of things that should’ve been taught earlier in life but wasn’t in some cases. I do not like to be embarrassed! While I could care less about what others may think of me, I do carry myself with respect and class and I expect the women I date to know how to act in public especially if we are out dining. Being that I have a background waiting tables, I can’t be with a woman that’s a nagging, nit picking rude customer. While I admire a woman who will stand on her square (for what’s right), being flat out rude with a stank attitude is a red flag!!

• A dumb woman- I’m not asking for a rocket scientist or a super genius (cue Wile E. Coyote) but please know something of substance. I’m not saying that we have to discuss astrophysics but please be able to hold a conversation that makes some kind of sense. One thing I absolutely cannot stand is a dumb woman no matter how beautiful she may be. I want a woman I can have can intelligent conversation with. If I lose brain cells talking to you……. Next! DO NOT PASS GO! DO NOT COLLECT $200!

And now on to the Green flags…

• She cares about your character- Fellas, if you come across this woman, please take your time to get to know her. She is truly a gift. Chances are, this woman will be your biggest cheerleader and you in return need to be hers! This type of woman should make you want to be a better man 1.) For yourself and 2.) For her if you plan on building a future with her. Be a blessing to her both during your come up and after. Not because she needs it but because you appreciate her being there for you during your journey.

• She’s spiritual- She may or may not be a traditional Christian or a member of any other organized religion but this means that she has some type of substance (most of the time. One size doesn’t necessarily fit all…lol). This normally means that she has some type of foundation and principles which makes her a keeper!

• She has a beautiful spirit/soul- My mother used to tell me that you can take a woman who may not be the most attractive physically but she could have a sweet spirit and it could make her the most beautiful woman in the world. Physical appearances can be altered, enhanced, etc. but a beautiful spirit can not be found on the make up aisle or purchased from the girl that sells bundles. Fellas, measurements won’t raise your children, character does. (Now if she’s fine and has the spirit to match then you my brother have hit the jack pot!!)

In conclusion, if you see red flag and the flag bearer has no intention of changing their behavior, RUN! If you come across someone with green flags that means they treat you well, respect you, and is attracted to (and even fall in love with your character) then definitely take your time to get to know that person. Hopefully you two are on your way to a beautiful, healthy happy relationship and on to your happily ever after!

Happy Thanksgiving to you the reader!!!


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