Gosh, where do I start? Knowing me is to love me for sure, but also to hate me (well, at least my past). I have always had a good heart, but I was not always correct in my actions. The things I did to people, the things that I said. Of course the saying goes, “hurt people, hurt people.” Now, looking back on my life, I can absolutely say this is true. Most of my life I didn’t have many friends and I hardly left my house. But when I decided I wanted to venture out, meet new friends and hang out at parties and things that I was unfamiliar with, I was absolutely taken advantage of.
Friends took advantage of my kindness, men used me for my love and affection, and I truly didn’t know who the hell I was and did whatever I thought everyone else was doing. I had my “hoe” phase, and I know for sure I’m the reason a few good men turned cold-hearted. I didn’t really give a damn about the friends I had, but I can say the same about them. I was just overall in a bad space and wasn’t being a good person to other people, and I for damn sure wasn’t being good to myself.
Then it came time for me to grow up. Change the things in my life that I felt I could do better with. Especially when it came to being a better person and practicing better ways to deal with others. Now that I am about five or so years into my personal developments, I have noticed that I am still being known as the “hot-head, smart mouth” from back then. And to be honest, it becomes frustrating. I have spoken to an ex that attempted to throw my past struggles in my face and tell me, “you will never be anything.”
I have met people who tell me, “Oh, I have heard about you,” and I always ask them the same things; “What do you know about me TODAY?” Of course, no one ever has an answer. No one can tell me all that I have accomplished, all of the things that I have overcome, the way I raise my children to be great people, and simply who Vontress is. I couldn’t seem to understand for the longest time why people hang on to the bad things about you. Simply, I have come to the conclusion it’s that they would rather see someone doing bad than flourishing. There is some sense of being “above” the next person who has not always had such a clean past and that makes it easier to bash than to understand.
No one wants to understand your hurts or pains because it forces them to face their own, no one wants to understand that you have not always been a good person, or a good girlfriend, or friend and forever judge you. We live in a world where word of mouth has become the truth and hearing the truth has been taken for granted. I encourage people to get to know me or those they have “heard about” — you may be surprised at what you learn.
Queen Media Collective 