I come from a family that’s extremely tight-knit and doesn’t take shit from anyone, including those who share the same blood. We laugh together, cry together, cook together, dance together, but most importantly, we do our best to always stick together — though at times it can be extremely difficult. If you were to come around my family, you’d call us crazy but leave wishing you were a part of it. Trust me, we get it all the time from friends and associates wishing they had a bond like ours. Not many families get to experience each other without the backstabbing or harsh judgment from one another. Shit, some families never get to experience what “family” really is because they come from a cycle of toxicity that they choose to cut all ties from.
I’m not going to say mine is perfect and there are times I think to myself I don’t want to be part of “this family.” Sometimes I find myself so frustrated because certain family members don’t realize how rude, disrespectful and unappreciative they are, but at the end of the day, the love is there and I only hope growth is in the near future.
When it comes to family, I believe you shouldn’t be afraid to speak your mind and you shouldn’t have to talk over everyone to get your point across. With family, you should be able to be vulnerable without the next person making you feel like you are weak or a burden to them. Family should be able to tell you when you’re out of line or in the wrong without making you think everyone is against you.
Now, I’ll be the first to admit, it was always a struggle for me to speak up for what I thought was right or to even express how I felt because there was always that fear that it would end in an argument or someone’s feelings getting hurt. Today, I pretty much don’t give a fuck and will let everyone hear what I need to say. I’d rather you hear about how shitty you’re being, or whatever the case may be, from a family member than someone that doesn’t genuinely care or love you. If me speaking my truth pisses you off and allows you to become disrespectful, it’s very clear that the problem isn’t me but within that other individual. They can decide to take in the information they’ve received about their behavior or not. Sometimes confrontations get so heated for no reason at all. There should never be a moment where a person becomes overly enraged at a family member trying to explain what they felt or giving their opinion on the matter.
The worst thing I think any family can do is try to run away from their problems or ignore them altogether. It’s okay to be wrong sometimes, not everyone is meant to be right 100% of the time. But it’s also important to own up to your shit and take responsibility for your actions. Don’t react off of emotion, but think logically. Actually take the time to listen to and take in what another person is saying to you before getting defensive and jumping down their throat. If I see someone in my family being disrespectful and trying to justify why they are treating someone a certain way, but I can clearly see they do not enjoy being treated the same, I am going to call it out. Family or not, wrong is wrong and all that toxic behavior needs to change immediately.
At the end of the day, for me, your family are the ones that are going to be the people always there looking out for your best interests. If you can’t learn to communicate and comprehend what is being said, how will the generation underneath you learn to function in a healthy manner in and outside of the household? How will the younger generation learn what it wrong, right and how to speak up if it’s something that isn’t being represented?
It’s time to fix it, period.
Queen Media Collective 