This week has been rough for me. I have been extremely emotional and I have made a couple dumb decisions. Life is hard. Between working 6 to 7 days a week and trying to figure out my next steps for my career, my head is jumbled up with thoughts and ideas. I feel like there are various paths I can take and I don’t know which one I prefer… life is a trip. One moment I am happy, one moment I am angry and one moment I want to cry my eyes out. I am just trying to make sense of it all.
In order to live comfortably, I think I need to go MIA and distance myself from everyone and everything. If it isn’t related to money or my career, I don’t want to have the burden of dealing with it. I have the tendency to get premature feelings for people in my life, which I don’t need right now. More feelings and more emotions, in addition to the ones I already have, will just drive me insane. Also, when I care about people I tend to bend over backwards to make time for them. Why do I feel the need to do that? With most people you are only thought of when they want/ need something from you… not because they care.
My solution to all this is to become a workaholic again. I have definitely gotten lazy, so my plan is to pick up more hours at my part time job and also start baby sitting again. If I work more, it is less time to think, because I will be so tired when I get home, I will just knock out, as opposed to staying up thinking.That plan isn’t foolproof, because I will be exhausted, but currently I think it’s the best plan for me.Personally I feel the best plan way to fix your problems is to be so busy, you don’t think about them. But everyone operates differently.
Going on vacation also made me realize a lot about myself. It being my first trip alone, I did a lot of thinking and self reflecting. I have come to the conclusion of what kind of person I am, and what areas I need to improve in. Being on a 7 hour flight will make you analyze every little detail about yourself. I am for sure ready to actually change and stop making the same dumb decisions over and over. With that being said, I hope everyone has a good week. For those who know me personally, if you contact me and I don’t respond, please understand why. I am working on myself and do not need the distractions. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers! Peace and chicken grease✌