Queen Media Collective

Every year when Halloween approaches, my ovaries start screaming at me.

There’s just something about seeing all the pictures and videos on social media of other folks’ offspring dressed as their favorite characters, or little animals, or super random things like corn on the cob that really sends my baby fever into overdrive. And, don’t even get me started on the super adorable matching family costumes.

But, beyond all the cuteness, there is a more self-serving reason why I always wish I had a kid during Halloween … I really love candy and especially when it’s free. For real, I can’t even walk by a bowl of dinner mints at a restaurant without grabbing a handful to toss into my purse.

Even growing up, Halloween was my favorite holiday. For whatever reason, walking around in the dark of night knocking on strangers’ doors and asking them for bite-sized candies was an exhilarating experience for me.

Sadly, that little girl inside me has been deprived of that thrill due to the fact that I’m a grown ass woman now and have no business trick-or-treating. In recent years, I’ve been secretly plotting on other people’s children.

I’ve been trying to find parents who will let me take their kid out on Halloween night and return them when we’re done. It hasn’t quite worked out for me. The problem is, I’m not close to too many people with young children and it’s bad enough I’m desperate to ask strangers for candy, I can’t start asking strangers for their kids too.

This year, things could finally turn around for me. My boyfriend, bless his heart, has a son who is still within the socially acceptable trick-or-treating age range. Look at God! Won’t he do it?!

If I can get dibs on taking him out before any relatives or school friends swoop in, it will be a win-win situation. I could score girlfriend brownie points and rake in all the free candy my heart desires. Brilliant, right? Some of y’all may consider this devious, but I call it being resourceful.

Stay tuned for an update on how it all plays out.