4’11, petite, chocolate, with NO ASS. I never thought having low self esteem about not having a huge butt would affect me the way that is has growing up, and especially today as a grown woman.
I am a splitting image of my mom. I look exactly like her and have her body shape, short and petite. My mom always carried herself with so much confidence being a petite woman, so I did my best to channel her energy as well. Growing up she sewed her own clothes because she couldn’t fit a lot of styles that she liked in stores. She did the same for me when I was in elementary. I liked certain styles that couldn’t fit me, so she would make me skorts, cute tops, and bottoms for family vacations.
The end of elementary going into middle school, my friends started getting their curves, meanwhile I was still looking like a twig. I could never participate in playing a game of booty tag because there would be absolutely nothing to tag. Who would want to play a game of “slap back”? NOBODY. (in my Keith Sweat voice) So I just laughed at all the girls who would let the boys slap their butts. I felt some type of way that they were already developing, which was the start of me having low self esteem, but I never showed it.
I did begin to notice my legs were pretty nice, so I started wearing clothes that made my legs stand out. I played basketball growing up so my legs were pretty toned for a petite middle schooler. So indeed my favorite article of clothing from middle school to high school were skirts and shorts. Everybody was gonna catch a glimpse of these chocolate legs. That was one thing the boys noticed about me, my legs and I was okay with that. They weren’t going around slapping them though. Niggas knew better.
I was one of those girls who had a good personality so that was something else boys liked about me. I knew at a young age my vibes were contagious LOL. I was cute of course, but this was a time when boys’ hormones were going crazy. All about big booties and big titties. My boobs were a nice lil size, but absolutely NO ASS. There were times boys wouldn’t talk to me just because I had no ass. They would say “You’re cute but you have no ass”. “You are so dope, but have no ass”. “I would talk to you if you had a bigger butt”. It didn’t really start hitting me until 11th grade. There were guys who loved me for me and would do anything for me based on the person I was… hardworking, supportive, goofy, understanding, stylish, and just ME. (Shoutout to my childhood loves that liked me for me) But in the back of my mind, my feelings were hurt because this wasn’t something that was said once, but multiple times from different boys. I carried myself with confidence but I knew as I grew up it would only get worse. Boys not wanting to talk to me because physically I looked like a little girl would only hinder my self esteem more.
I already hung out with curvy girls, and me being the only one without any was not fun. I felt like their little sister. Going to clubs and never being the one approached, well until they saw me dancing. One thing this petite girl can do is work a dance floor. NO ASS NEEDED. Plus the girls with big butts cheated. They just jiggled their ass which didn’t take much talent. But since I didn’t have a big butt, I had to work 10x harder and switch up my moves on these fools. YES, SKINNY GIRLS CAN HIT THAT SHIT. ASK ABOUT ME.
Suddenly, all of these women on social media and Reality TV hit the wave and it was over for me. People wanted to be thick so bad that they injected their bodies with unknown substances. It became an epidemic and today, a lifestyle. I COULD NEVER. But as you keep seeing it media, it crosses your mind.
Doing the squat challenge can only go so far. The fact that I even tried it multiple times made me seem desperate. I questioned myself finding a husband because the luck I had with men and their shallow ways made it seem damned near impossible of happening. Like hmmm …. “If I enhanced my body I could make myself look any way I wanted to and would never have to deal with boys turning me down and friend zoning me due to lacking in the butt area”? Clothes would also fit me better. I could wear tops and bottoms that would fit me just right and snug in all the right places. But once I thought about altering my body to make someone like me more and to fit clothes, I knew I had to get my life together. I was turning into the shallow boys who made me feel this way in the first place.
It took me to the age of 22 to finally not feel insecure about my body. This was the body that GOD blessed me with. Plus if my mom could work her petiteness, so could I. I did hit a bit of a roadblock when I got with my boyfriend, now of 6 years. I knew he was used to curvy women and that was his preference. I had my own preference that he didn’t match, but that man is amazing as hell and I was not going to pass up my opportunity to have him. Since we have been together so long, he asked if I would ever consider getting butt implants. I laughed and was a little shocked. The man who shows me so much love and affection had the audacity to ask me this? He knew all about my low self esteem growing up and my insecurities as an adult woman looking like a young girl. That moment took me back to that feeling when I was in high school, unwanted and not good enough. I started crying. “Here we go again. Finally a man who accepts me and BOOM, hits me with the plastic surgery suggestion”. He knew it took awhile for me to accept me. When I addressed him, I mentioned the classes I had been teaching to young girls and the topics we discuss which surrounds body positivity and image. How would I look educating these young women on loving themselves and not letting anyone tell them who or what to be, and he asks me that question? Of course, I told him NO. He should have known that answer anyway. We talked about it and I let him know exactly how I felt and how outraged I was. We were able to move on. Since we have been together, I was happy to find someone who loved me for all of ME. He never asked me again and he continues to love me and my little booty, PERIODT.
I’m 26, and still have a lot of growing to do. When I see images online with these bodacious bodies, I still get a little down, but I know my worth now. Nothing but positive affirmations run through my mind to let go of the hurt. How men react to women with big butts used to upset me because I know there are a lot of men who aren’t attracted to women with little booties, but we have feelings too. If that is your preference, that’s fine. But don’t bash or put down the women who don’t fit the description of your perfect woman. Men praise the big booty women, and I think that is absolutely fine. But praise all women for everything they have going on besides their looks, we have way more to offer.
So for all of those women out there who don’t have a lot of junk in the trunk…accept it, love it, and continue to twerk a lil something. Because LIL BOOTIES MATTER PERIODT.