“How you want me when you got a girl?”

-SZA

I’d say SZA said it best but trust me when I say I won’t be playing anyone’s weekend. I can’t count the number of times a guy I’ve dated in the past has expressed how much they want me but the whole time are in a happy relationship, so they say. It makes me wonder… have people truly moved on from their past relationships or are they just settling because they’ve lost the one person who may have been the best person for them.

Like honestly, if you could have the one person you truly wanted, would you even be in that relationship you complain so much about to people? Most of you would lie and say, “of course I’d still be in my relationship,” but in the back of your minds I’m sure there’s one person that pops up in your head that you’d be with. I’m not saying this is how all relationships are but there are definitely some people that aren’t genuine with their true feelings. Me, being one of those people at one point.

For the longest I always wondered what a future would look like with my first love but because trying to get him back when we were younger never worked, I  just settled for the next guy. I even dated someone who looked similar to him. Up until a year or two ago I finally let the thought of me and him go completely after finally reconnecting and realizing that’s not what I wanted. Mind you it had been over 10 years since I dated him and I had multiple boyfriends throughout those years. From the outside looking in people would say I moved on from him but I hadn’t, my heart was still in it.

The last relationship I’ve had was with the father of my son and since then I haven’t had a true relationship which makes it four, almost five years since I’ve called someone my boyfriend. I’ve moved on, but I’m also not settling for just anyone to prove I’ve moved on from him. That’s what I feel like a lot of people do. They like to jump from relationship to relationship just to say they have someone or to throw it back in their ex’s face. When people do stuff like that it’s a clear sign to me you’re mad and settling on some petty shit. Oh and let me not get started on those who be out there cheating on their new girlfriend/boyfriend with their ex. How do you still want someone you’ve left? How can you still go out your way to hit your ex, being flirtatious and trying to meet up with them? You clearly haven’t moved on. To me you’ve settled.

I know getting over a relationship can be difficult but until you’ve got passed all five of these signs don’t hop into a new relationship, where you may end up leaving another person hurt because you’re still confused about whether you want your ex or not.

THE SIGNS:

You Feel Happy & Like Yourself Again:

Sometimes after a breakup you get stuck in a stage of feeling depressed and asking yourself what went wrong. You start to think of yourself in a negative way and may isolate yourself from your friends and family. Once you begin to feel happy, get some inner peace,  can listen to a song and not skip it because it reminds you of your ex, well, you’re probably moving on.

You’ve Reflected On The Relationship

Instead of immediately jumping into the next person’s bed you’ve taken some time to reflect on the relationship from start to finish. You’ve seen what went wrong and you take responsibility for your part in it ending. Once you come to realize the reason it didn’t work it’s easier to move on and you know what not to settle for.

You Aren’t Plotting How To Get Your EX BACK

If you are still thinking about how you can get back with your ex aka pulling some Chris Brown/ Offset moves, you definitely haven’t moved on. With that being said don’t try to jump into a new relationship when your heart is still in the old one. You’re only settling for what you know you can have, not what you actually want.

No More Social Media Stalking

Let’s face it, BEEN THERE DONE THAT! The moment someone I was into called it quits I would go look at there page for months trying to come up with the answers to why things didn’t work out. Looking to see if there’s a new person in their life. Scrolling through pics wishing they were still mine. BUT then something happens, one day you no longer have the urge to go stalking their page. You’ve come to peace, with things being over.

They Are No Longer The Topic of Conversation

When you like someone you bring them up constantly and it’s the same when you haven’t gotten over someone as well. The first time I realized I was over my son’s dad was when I no longer brought him up unless someone asked about him. I had no desire to speak of him at all. I also noticed when I would be dating someone and they always brought up an ex every chance they could it was an immediate turn off. It let me know that they were still into that person and just settling for me at the moment. Once you can get through a whole week of not bringing up your ex, I’m pretty sure you’re over it.

SO, answer this… Have you truly moved on or you just think you have?

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